So, you want to fall in love? You are certainly
old enough and moving well along your chosen career path. Many of your friends
are either married or in committed relationships. You have grown weary of the
singles scene and the solitary life. Therefore, you must be ready, right?
Not necessarily.
So what is relationship readiness anyway? Exactly what it says. You are
adequately capable of handling the commitment and challenges that a healthy,
intimate relationship requires.
How do you know if you are ready? What are the characteristics you need to
have or acquire in order to be ready for true love?
There are four primary areas that you should explore in order to assess your
present state of readiness.
1. Take an inventory of past traumas and related major issues.
You should mentally review these and honestly look at how well you have
already addressed and resolved them.
As you work through each, ask yourself, "Is this impacting me negatively in my
present life." Also explore with yourself the possibility that the issue could
become problematic once you have entered into an intimate relationship.
If you believe that there are things you have not yet adequately dealt with,
you need to go to work on these. If you are unsure, then they bear closer
examination. Consider utilizing resources such as therapy or joining a support
group.
An example of such issues can include, but not be limited to; emotional,
physical or sexual abuse in childhood, parents' divorce, loss of a parent or
other loved one, or a past abusive or dysfunctional love relationship.
2. How's your
self-awareness and self-esteem?
If you do not possess adequate self knowledge and a positive sense of
self; an intimate relationship will be difficult or impossible to
sustain.
For instance, do you know yourself well enough to answer the following?
Can you state your most deeply held values?
Do you know what you can't live with or without in a relationship?
Do you have a good grasp of your life goals?
Do you know your own strengths and weaknesses?
Now, do a quick assessment of your self-esteem.
How do you see yourself?
How do others see you?
Remember you present different selves:
at work
with family
with friends
in gatherings with acquaintances
If your answers tell you that you have difficulty accepting and liking
yourself, or if others frequently respond negatively to you in your
interactions with them, then this is an area you should begin work on.
Self-love is at the foundation of all healthy relationships.
3. Are your past relationships really in the past?
If we don't get adequate closure on painful experiences/issues from past
relationships, we are at risk of bringing them into present and future
relationships in order to relive and resolve them.
Therefore, it's important to know that you have dealt adequately with
any significant hurt or loss and have learned from any dysfunctional
dynamics you may have contributed to.
If you find yourself slipping into unhealthy patterns in your thoughts
or Behaviors as they relate to others; stop, identify, and then deal
with that leftover issue.
4. Do you know what you want from a relationship?
We enter into relationships for many different reasons and with many
different expectations. Knowing what yours are will help you to
determine if this is the right relationship for you.
Too often we "choose" someone using an unconscious level of thought as
our primary input. It is there that we hold our deepest unmet needs,
fears and desires. Unfortunately, there is often a chasm between our
conscious and unconscious selves that keeps this information "hidden"
from our rational and thinking side.
Therefore, it is very important to examine all of your feeling and needs
regarding any future relationship. Honestly look at what you must have
and cannot live without.
You must know what you want and need from a future partner in order to
choose the right one for you.
Now, spend some time exploring these four important areas before you
enter into a serious romantic relationship. By doing so, you will be
helping to ensure that your new relationship will be a healthy and
lasting one.
About The Author: Terri Arnold, MS (Spicy Grandma) has been a
Psychotherapist for over twenty years. She has owned and operated a
brick and mortar dating service and has helped abused women thru
individual and group counseling to improve their self esteem, leave
their abusive relationships and lead more fulfilling lives. Terri
invites you to visit her popular personalized and informative 50+ dating
community at
http://www.spicy-senior-singles.com
To submit your
own article, please email it as a text attachment to: webmaster@lovelinksplus.com
We do not compensate authors for being published at lovelinksplus.com but we
will provide a link back to your website and you will maintain the copyright
to your submitted article. Email us for further details. Not all submissions
will be published.
