Tips On Choosing The Right Person From The Dating Scene
By Alina Ruigrok
Okay, so you date people hoping that one of these
days you will come across the right person, the one you will make the greatest
romantic connection with. But does it feel like you are going nowhere and
believe that you just have no luck with meeting the right people? Feel like
you are lost and doomed in this whole dating business? Stop feeling sorry for
yourself!
The reality of this situation is that luck has nothing to do with it. If you
are like many people, you are probably dating blindfolded, without even
realizing that you are doing so. If you feel unsuccessful and dissatisfied
with your dating patterns, then it is time for you to take a few steps back to
see where things went wrong for you. Think you have been doing everything
right? Think again! If you look back, you will be surprised to learn that you
got so caught up in just the whole dating experience, that you forgot what to
look out for and neglected your true needs and desires. What are you really
looking for in a lover? What are your needs and desires? What qualities are
important for a person to have and what other qualities are you willing to
compromise with and accept?
Getting back in touch with what you are really looking for will help prevent
you from staying in the dating scene forever. It is essential that you observe
your actions and decisions, making sure that you do not continue to date
certain people in the name of dating. If you find that you are not sharing the
connection you crave with a person, then you must discontinue with dating that
person. Sure, you will feel bad for hurting that person’s feelings, but what
you must remember is that there is nothing too personal or emotional between
the two of you anyway, so just throw that excuse out- and just break it off,
in a polite manner of course! This is where so many get stuck, mistaking
casual trial dates, with a personal and emotional relationship. This may sound
too business-like for your taste, but this is the way it goes in the real
world of dating. If you spend your time trying to spare people hurt or
disappointment, then you have been doing it all wrong. This does not mean that
you have to be harsh and rude, but it does mean that you have to make finding
the right person a first and high priority for, not worrying about what other
people with think of you.
Which moves us to the next essential point
in dating. While it is normal that you fix yourself up to make a great
impression on your date, it is not the most important thing that you
should focus on. In fact, so many dating singles out there worry so much
about what their date will think, that they totally forgot the purpose
of the date- to find out whether or not they will find the connection
they are seeking. No matter how you fix yourself and what manners or
personality you put on, you will never be in control of what your date
will think or feel about the date, so set that unnecessary stress aside.
Instead, shift your focus about what you will think about him or her.
Observe everything about them. Do YOU like their appearance? Does their
personality appeal to YOU? Do YOU feel that you are making a good
connection? As you can see, it is what you think that is important here,
because you are the one looking for the right person, as well as certain
qualities. Leave what they think, up to them!
The fear of being single forever can cloud your good judgment, causing
you to continue seeing a person who you know you are not entirely
satisfied with. You will do this because you will try to convince
yourself that maybe you have been too picky and being with anybody, even
if you are not crazy about him or her, is better than nobody. Stop lying
to yourself! You do not have to get stuck with someone you are not
entirely happy with, nor do you have to be single forever. Being honest
and up front from the beginning is what will get you where you want to
be and whom you want to be with. Do not worry that you may scare off
someone by telling him or her exactly what expectations you have and how
serious of a relationship you are looking for. Look at this way, if they
get scared that quickly, then it is a sign that they were not looking
for the same thing as you are, so it saves you time and you can then
move on to dating someone else.
As long as you get real with yourself, stop making excuses, know what
your really want, stick to it and make it clear to the people that you
date, then you will be safe from too many mixed messages,
misunderstandings and frustrations. When you treat your goal of meeting
the right person seriously and important, then you will stay motivated
to find him or her, and when you do- you will finally be able to begin
the kind of relationship that you have always longed for, needed and
deserve.
Alina Ruigrok is an independent relationship expert for
http://www.love-sessions.com
helping those in need of dating, love, relationship, marital, sexual and
other personal advice through e-sessions.
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