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The First Date

by Mark Geiger

The likelihood of a first date going very well is approximately the same odds as a tornado blowing through a junkyard and assembling a 747. To compound the issue the more you like each other the harder it is. If you are really into someone it is impossible to casually saunter into the first date without expectations like most people would tell you. The bottom line is that you want it to work, badly for the most part, and that can lead to expectations not being met. So what does success look like in this daunting scenario? Here are a couple of measures you can take to improve your odds of staying in the game for date number two.

1. Relax: Easy to say, right? Everyone would agree that when you relax it is easier to have a good time. First, chose Saturday for your first date if at all possible. A work night / school night is always a rush to get home, freshen up, and get to where you need to be on time and relaxed. For most people it is a stretch to shake off the stress from the day in time to enjoy an evening during the week. Even a Friday is difficult just for this reason. A Saturday generally gives a person the whole day to put the work week behind them, warm up to the evening, prepare, and anticipate.

2. Plan: Translation…do your homework. Think the date the whole way through in terms of timing, including idiot factor with directions and traffic. I highly recommend going to a nice place that you have been to before. The reasons are that you know where it is, where to park, where to sit for the best conversation, and probably what is good on the menu. All of these small things add up to less stress for you during the evening. Your date will appreciate your knowing the ropes and executing well: “We’re a little early so why don’t we grab a drink upstairs and watch the sunset.”

I always found it overwhelming trying to keep up a conversation with someone I really liked while navigating the wine list and menu. Already knowing what you want, while still perusing the menu with your date makes you seem more decisive and focused, and doesn’t interrupt the conversation. You can even suggest certain entrées you know will be winners. Save the adventure for your one-month anniversary.

If it’s possible please get some help. Perhaps you have a friend who manages a nice restaurant, can get you VIP passes to a concert, or the like. These kinds of cards are worth playing if you’re trying to make a lasting impression and show that you know how to program an evening. Think of it this way: even if the date was a little awkward as many first dates are, you are likely to get date number two because of the other facets you had control over.

3. Don’t waffle: What I mean by this is stick to the plan. How do you want the date to end up? Set it up in your mind and don’t deviate unless you are getting really strong signals to the contrary. For example, the evening goes relatively well and you are ready to say goodnight. Setting yourself up for success is planning on saying “Hey, I had a great time. I’d like go out again (giving the person a hug).” Unless something similar to a bolt of lightening strikes you to have a long passionate kiss with this person don’t do it! There is plenty of time for that if there is chemistry between you. Let that be the anticipation for your next evening together. Staying power with the right person is what success looks like.