It’s a real skill
to ski these slopes because too far in any direction and you can become
a cartoon of yourself, predictable, or worse- hated, and you could
really screw things up.
When you understand the dimension of attraction being discussed in this
article, suddenly everything else seems like baby stuff, really.
I’m talking about charisma. Charisma is the stuff that blows apart
everything else.
Charisma is how a supposedly “little” guy walks into a set where a super
hot girl is surrounded by a bunch of steroid-juiced bad-assed dudes, and
he seems to have no method to his madness, and a few minutes later, he
walks away with her, and she is THANKING HER LUCKY STARS for it.
Charisma is the closest thing to REAL MAGIC in this field that actually
exists for real. And to the untrained eye, it simply doesn’t make sense.
It sounds bizarre. Kind of like how if I told you that you yourself are
not the same you as you were a second ago, that a molecule that was,
say, part of your brain a second ago, is now a molecule belonging to the
seat you are sitting on. Sounds strange, but it’s true. Quantum physics
says so. I want you to start opening your mind to the idea that things
DON’T always follow the logic you are used to.
Reality is NOT what it seems, so don’t let the picture of reality that
you have been brainwashed into believing by your past experiences
dictate your vision of what is possible.
Charisma is a PULL.
It makes people around that charismatic person want to be CLOSE to that
person, they can’t HELP it.
The reason for this is because they are RADIATING something insanely
powerful, something that BYPASSES all the weak superficial stuff of our
logical minds and goes DIRECTLY for our EMOTIONAL REGION, the region
which counts.
Now, obviously, the entire topic of charisma is a HUGE topic, but let’s
just take a look for a second at some living proof at how physical looks
are not the end all and be all of attraction.
Instead of focusing on male stars, I want to actually do this a bit in
reverse here, to make my point even CLEARER. Now, Britney Spears for
example is clearly considered by millions of guys as a really sexy and
super hot girl. When a lot of guys are asked “who would you sleep with
if you could sleep with anybody” a LOT of guys would say something like
Britney Spears.
I mean, most guys would sell their mother for a chance to be with good
ol Britney, especially the guys who say “she’s not that beautiful” lol.
Now, don’t get me wrong, she IS kind of pretty, but there have been TONS
of OTHER girls, far better looking who have simply not come even CLOSE
to her success. If Britney wanted to have become a model, she would have
had the door slammed in her face. She hasn’t made a movie so far that
anyone really respects either. And apparently she isn’t the greatest
singer. But yet, she is the star to which other girls and other women
WISH they could be.
Let me tell you the reason Britney was/is number one for so long while
other teen “queens” came and went.
Britney understood the power of CONSTANTLY SHARPENING HER IMAGE AND
REINVENTING HERSELF.
And, if you are to be successful at attraction, you have to be very
aware of the IMAGE you are sending out through everything you do, wear,
and say, and of course be aware of HOW you are doing all this.
Maybe Britney learned a lesson from her mentor, Madonna, who herself was
the master of this.
You see, now matter how cool or desirable you NATURALLY are, people get
DESENSITIZED fast. That’s why even good looking guys need to learn this
stuff if they plan to have any type of long term success with a woman.
Anyway, my point is, I swear to you, if you could snap your fingers
right now and have any woman who you ever dreamed of, or ever considered
the SEXIEST in the world, right now, if the ONLY thing she had going for
her was her looks, I swear you would not think she is even CLOSE to as
sexy as she was the first time you were with her by the next MONTH of
being with her, never mind by the next year. (unless you have learned
the art of appreciation) This is because of something known as
desensitization.
If you want to make an EMOTIONAL IMPACT, you have to KEEP BLASTING OUT
NEW EMOTIONAL STIMULI so that people can’t get USED to you. That means
if you are chatting up a girl, you better not be the same old, same old
as she has seen a thousand times before. Same old lines, same old
personality, same old clothing, same old attitude, same old ZERO
mystique. And just because you are ORIGINAL is not enough either. A lot
of guys come to me and show me their choice of clothing and keep telling
me that it’s ORIGINAL. But it has to be original AND cool.
By the way, Britney doesn’t get out of bed looking the way she does in
her videos. There’s a ton of work involved in her wardrobe, hair style,
makeup, even the exact ANGLES used to film her.
And then there’s the brutal physical workouts and probably a pretty
strict diet.
Of course, the same can be said about any MALE star out there, obviously
a little less on the makeup though.
How much effort does the average guy put into his basic
self-presentation?
Okay, onward:
Britney started out as this cute innocent girl that no one could hate.
That’s NOT a coincident. She was innocent BEFORE she teased that she was
“not so innocent”.
Now, I want you to think of the “innocent” image and use it as an
ANALOGY to YOU not coming across as a total jerk.
When STARTING an interaction with a girl, it makes NO SENSE to START OFF
as a prick, because the automatic reaction of a woman will be to shut
you down. She has nothing invested in you, and unless you seriously are
some kind of absolute movie star, you will be shut down before you can
finish your sentence.
Back to Britney and the power of IMAGE:
Along with the innocence, came this sexy edge, that was kind of
controversial and unpredictable, who is this crazy chick wearing an
innocent schoolgirl uniform and yet brazenly showing her tummy?
Think of this as saying something to a woman that THROWS HER A BIT OFF
BALANCE, while conveying value, confidence and sexuality at the same
time. Kind of like a friendly tease, or dressing in an original and cool
way, or making a comment like using your skills of perception to tell
her something about herself that even SHE probably didn’t know. Bottom
line is you are creating an emotional IMPACT, specifically the emotion
of attraction by conveying superiority.
Now, with Britney, of course her strategy of being more original and
cooler than her rivals, and keeping people guessing where she was
heading next, WORKED TO PERFECTION.
This helped get her more attention, so she kept on pushing the envelope
in that direction, CONSTANTLY BREAKING NEW GROUND in terms of being
provocative for a “good girl” while still maintaining JUST ENOUGH of her
good girl image (not being a total jerk that people would get pissed at
and fed up with) so that she didn’t make people think she was completely
fake, there was a tiny kernel of “good girl” still left in her image,
which was crucial for her success.
It’s a real skill to ski these slopes because too far in any direction
and you can become a cartoon of yourself, predictable, or worse- hated,
and you could really screw things up.
And then finally, when she finally took it as far as people could
saturate, going so far as to kiss Madonna on tv, she then REVERSED
everyone’s expectation, becoming all spiritual studying Kaballa, getting
married, and now supposed to have kids as a young mom in Hollywood
unlike her young singing rivals, which makes her stand out once again
and makes her kind of a “good girl” again. Ahh, how sweet.
Madonna did the same thing, from Material Girl to Ethereal Girl. Now, I
really don’t know for sure what her intentions are, and it really
doesn’t matter, the fact is, by CONSTANTLY TWEAKING AND SHARPENING AND
ALTERING AND EVOLVING HER IMAGE OF COOLNESS AND SUPERIORITY, she made
more impact than her rivals.
She knew how to do it all without LOSING the audience. She never became
TOO “dirty” like her once famous rival, Christina Aguilera, who had far
more innate talent, and a far better voice, and even won a Grammy.
Think of this as something similar to you CREATING JUST THE RIGHT AMOUNT
OF TENSION with a woman, so that she becomes interested, emotionally
engaged, but NOT fed up.
When a guy is going to chat up a girl, most guys do the SAME OLD thing,
creating almost NO emotional impact. Or they get caught up on ONE aspect
of some guru’s methods, and they beat that technique into oblivion, and
then they wonder why they don’t get anywhere. This is why I keep on
advocating being THE MAN, in the ENTIRE sense of the word, of really
being the best, because it’s not about just one thing. Or, some guys
will overcompensate for being a nice guy in the past by becoming total
jerks in the present, and that is kind of like the famous celebrity who
acts like a TOTAL CREEP or TOTAL SLUT or TOTAL JERK, and then no one
likes them and they lose their fans.
This is like when I see guys going too far with girls and the girl just
kind of makes this look with her eyes rolling like “whatever, loser”.
The successful celebrities know they have to project just the right mix
of being a good person so that they can be liked, but yet also push the
line so that people can’t BE ABSOLUTELY SURE they have the person
“figured out”, the successful stars push the envelope so that people are
INTRIGUED with wanting to FIND OUT more about them. They keep people
CHASING, emotionally. And most importantly, the best stars know how to
CONSTANTLY keep coming up with AWESOME AND NEW “STUFF”, whether it’s
music or movies or whatever, that manages to tie their IMAGE into their
art so that they blend as one, thus even their art is really just
another dimension of their IMAGE. That’s why people go to the concerts,
not for the music, they can get that on cd, they go because of the BUILT
UP IDENTITY – the IMAGE. A chance to BE NEAR the PERSON.
These people know (or their managers, etc) how to CREATE emotions get
people a bit shocked, all the while EXUDING an aura of superiority
through their looks, talent, publicity, brilliant videos directed by the
best in the industry, usually not themselves. They also know how to
EXPRESS THEMSELVES using even the most SUBTLE of things, like little
expressions on their face. You think I’m kidding here? These folks are
TRAINED to the point where it is natural now for them. Watch a music
video and notice EXACTLY the expressions on the star’s face, or watch a
movie with a real bonafide talented actor or actress, and you will see
that they exude charisma in everything they do.
If a guy were to bump into Britney in say, a mall, chances are he would
feel overwhelmed, all because of the impact her IMAGE has made on him.
When Arnold was in his heyday, in the early 90’s, even the coolest guys
thought this guy was cool, because his movies were COOL, original, they
make emotional IMPACT. The stories were cool, the settings were cool,
the look and style of these flicks were cool and original. Then, after
the guy started making kind of mediocre movies, slowly the same guys
that made him a hero would make jokes about how dumb guys must be to go
to his movies. Of course, they forgot that they were part of the same
crowd. They didn’t even realize that it was Arnold who changed, it was
his IMAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly the idea of hanging out with Arnie wasn’t as cool. See how
people are?
This has EVERYTHING to do with ATTRACTION:
YOU ARE ONLY AS ATTRACTIVE AS THE IMAGE YOU ARE GIVING OFF, RIGHT THIS
VERY SECOND.
Yesterday is pretty much history, and that can be a good thing if you’ve
screwed up a lot in the past!
What matters is the image you are GENERATING AT THE MOMENT, for that’s
all people remember or care about.
Oh, YESTERDAY you were cool?
Nobody cares.
Oh TOMORROW you know you’ll be cool?
Nobody cares.
Can you say Ricky Martin?
That dude came on the scene and girls were NUTS about him. This guy had
the looks, the voice, etc.
So how come he vanished into thin air while other dudes, FAR LESS good
looking, keep on rockin' and keep on appealing to women?
Because he kept repeating the same old, same old, and had no COMPLEXITY
to his image, he was too easy to “figure out”, while the other dudes
KNEW/KNOW HOW TO KEEP CREATING EMOTIONAL IMPACT through their FRESH
CREATIVE CONTENT and their ability to RE-INVENT themselves, thereby
giving people, and chicks, ENDLESS EMOTIONAL HIGHS and “addicting them”.
That’s the other point – if you can CONSISTENTLY do enough attractive
things, whether it’s a confident sense of humor, or your ability to
capture someone’s imagination or fantastic body language or vocal
tonality or a host of other things, if you can consistently do
attractive things, then somehow YOU become attractive. It just works
this way.
Anytime you ever watch a good movie, you DON’T know exactly what’s going
to happen, yet you are CONSTANTLY being bombarded with stimuli, via a
powerful story, powerful sound effects, special visual effects, music,
etc. You are on the EDGE OF YOUR SEAT AT ALL TIMES.
The masters of attraction understand that human beings are EMOTIONAL
CREATURES and EVERYTHING they do is designed to create impact, on every
level, the visuals, their choice of clothing, the way they come across
in their voice, the way they handle situations with women including
things known as “shit-tests”, and of course the ability to generate the
overall psychological frame of superiority, and a ton of other things as
well, while SIMULTANEOUSLY not being a jerk-off which would RUIN the
attraction.
Now, the problem is that a lot of guys hear some basic good advice about
being attractive, like “be confident” or “have courage”, but they don’t
know what that REALLY means. And even though this is basic stuff, far
from the most advanced information, it could still make a a big
difference for guys, if they really took it to heart.
Like, for one guy, confidence might mean having the guts to approach a
woman and say something to her. And that’s great, to have the confidence
for that, but honestly, that’s just the starting point for REAL
CONFIDENCE.
Let me give you an example that gives you a decent frame of reference
for something like courage and confidence, from a recent letter:
Hey Michael,
I’m from Australia and I love yer stuff.
I’ve been using it a lot and your whole perspective has changed my views
on women completely. I’ve got a question I’d like to ask you, I was
assaulted last year and as a result I lost my hearing in my left ear,
this has presented a problem whenever I’m in loud pubs or clubs, because
when I chat to women I can barely hear what they say and generally have
to lean right over, which tends to ruin my posture. I also end up having
to smile and pretend I heard what they said, because I feel like an
absolute idiot continually asking what they said to me, I’m wondering if
you might have any solutions to this problem or weather i should just
not try in these environments.
Cheers,
hope to hear from u
**My Response**
Thanks for the positive words on my stuff, but even more importantly,
congrats for TAKING ACTION and not standing around feeling sorry for
yourself and wasting your own time. Cool
Now THIS is more like it. A guy who is SERIOUSLY taking action and not
making excuses for himself. THAT is the kind of confidence that should
give other guys a reframe on what confidence and courage means. If guys
out there think they have an excuse for not taking action, they should
think again.
You wouldn’t believe how powerful of a reaction that would make on a
woman, if she KNEW that you couldn’t hear in one ear and yet you still
went out having a blast. I’m not saying to go around telling women this
the first thing, but when a woman finds out this kind of thing, it would
only INCREASE her attraction to you because of the POWER you emanate
through that behavior. It shows nothing can stop you.
The courage and confidence that enables you to take action here shows up
in other areas and women are attracted to that because COURAGE is
ATTRACTIVE. It’s a survival tool, and evolution designed us to be
attracted to those who have it. That’s why there was never a movie about
a guy who didn’t even have courage. No one gives a damn about a guy who
doesn’t even give a damn himself.
Now, here's some solutions to your situation that will not only enable
you to DEAL with your challenge, but actually enable you to INCREASE the
attraction BIG TIME:
Don't lean in. Instead, get CLOSER if you have to in order to hear them.
You see, by coming CLOSER you'll just look MORE confident anyway, much
more confident than the guy who LEANS in to cover the distance but is
too SCARED to actually come close for real without leaning.
The other thing is, don't smile to pretend you heard what they said,
because in general you shouldn't be “force smiling” anyway, most guys
FORCE a smile to kind of show a chick they LIKE her, thereby CUTTING
DOWN THEIR OWN ATTRACTIVENESS, as if SHE is the great one, as if she is
so great when the guy doesn’t even know her. So I say forget that force
smiling stuff, which does NOT mean that you should be upset or angry or
bitter.
You should still be in a good mood, but not an ass-kissing good mood,
you know what I mean? This is kind of a complex topic in itself. In the
meantime, let me say that for example, if the girl is really into you
and laughing and smiling a lot, then it's okay for you to laugh and
smile a bit, too, when she’s really said something funny or she’s earned
it.
Also, don't worry about asking the women to repeat or tell you what they
said, especially in the beginning of the convo, unless the convo is
going REALLY WELL, otherwise it will look as if their words are too
important to you, that you are hanging on their every word.
The worst they will assume is that you either heard them, or
misunderstood them, or that you didn’t care all that much about what
they said, or that there was no need for you to comment so you didn’t!
Big deal, and it might just make you even more attractive anyway.
Just lead the conversation anyway, and tell her, "let's move to a
quieter area where we can hear each other" (as opposed to saying "where
I can hear YOU", the difference here is subtle, yet important, because
you’re not making her QUEEN this way.)
So that's what I recommend you do for these loud pubs bars clubs, etc.
At the same time, honestly, pubs clubs etc are just one more venue for
meeting women when in fact there are so many other quieter areas where
you not only avoid this issue, but you also get to avoid all the smoke
and the insanely loud decibel volumes at some of these places as well.
You could meet all the women you need without ever stepping into a club
if you have the skills!
And if YOU are reading this right now and want to learn the SKILLS so
that you can go way BEYOND just basic confidence, so that you can truly
make girls AWED by the sum total of your CHARISMA, then I recommend you
take the following steps:
The first thing to do is download my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets
to Success with Women, and do it IMMEDIATELY. This baby has TONS of
POWERFUL and CLEAR STEPS for you to take on your journey to being the
man you were BORN to really be. You'll be coming back to it again and
again, even years from now.
And if you would like to get the FULL PICTURE, to learn EXACTLY how to
go about approaching women to take things from that very first moment
all the way to the bedroom and beyond, and even where to find the RIGHT
kinds of women for YOU, as well as how to handle and even eradicate the
kind of ridiculous “tests” that even GOOD women tend to throw your way,
then I seriously suggest you sign up for my Live Bootcamp or Workshop
program where you will “work it” in the real world. These programs are
three days and three nights of MASSIVE learning and skill growth, where
we won’t stop until YOU have achieved YOUR goals.
http://thedatingwizard.com/bootcamp/
If you haven’t yet downloaded my eBook, The Dating Wizard: Secrets
to Success with Women, then do it IMMEDIATELY. This book is NOT like
other books, it’s about SOLVING THE ROOT CAUSE of the problem, which has
less to do with learning to be funny, and far more to do with reclaiming
your masculinity and your power. It’s about how to take ACTION with
women, from A to Z, in the way that women deep down WISH you would, but
simply can’t admit because of the anti-masculine crusade.
Michael W, better known as The Dating Wizard, is a dating and
relationship consultant for men, as well as a frequent guest on radio
and television talk shows. Michael has spent over four years studying
the specific male behaviors that trigger attraction in women. His
findings are based on both his real life observations of men who are
successful with women, as well as his research on evolutionary
psychology and its applications to sexual attraction.
To find out all about Michael, his book, and his consultation services,
check out
www.TheDatingWizard.com or call 416 630 9966.
