Sometimes the solution to a
problem rests in a subtle yet important distinction which is known only
through understanding.
For many things in life, the genius behind them, the greatness behind
them, rests in the DETAILS.
When it comes to attraction, it's no different.
Any guy can say "Hey, I'm cool" and perhaps remember a few lines. If it
was that easy, every guy would have all the success he wants with women.
The reality is that the DETAILS count.
The subtle difference in YOUR thoughts and beliefs from the other guy's
thoughts. The subtle difference in YOUR body language and vocal tonality
from the other guys out there.
The subtle difference in how you PERCEIVE women.
The subtle difference in TIMING, i.e. the best moment when to go in for
the kiss, when to go into rapport, when to increase the tension, when to
release it, when to tease, when to keep it real, when to go more sexual,
etc.
Sometimes the solution to a problem rests in a subtle yet important
distinction. On this note, let's get to a fresh letter that lends itself
to this topic.
***SUCCESS STORY***
Hi Michael,
Ok Mike, your stuff works like a dream. I got the cd,s read the ebook.
Now I can lay the women in the pubs and clubs, my problem is I'm finding
it a bit embarrassing the next time I bump into them and I know they do
too..(as this is the first time I've had this problem.) I was wondering
what would be a good way to deal with this problem.
i haven't seen this issue addressed in the seduction community.
Derek T., UK
***Michaels' Reply***
Hey man, thanks for the props and for writing in. And CONGRATS for
having what is known as a "quality problem"!
A lot of guys would love to have this problem, but I totally understand
the uncomfortable emotions you are talking about. There's a great
solution, though:
The answer to your question is simply to set up the right dynamic to
begin with so that there are no false expectations and so that it's all
good vibes no matter where you see the girls again and no matter how
often you see them again.
This goes back to the section on congruency and the section early on
explaining how there are different kinds of girls, or sometime girls in
different stages of their life -- the bottom line being that there are
girls out there that want the exact same thing as you and even more
girls who are at the very least cool with it.
What happens is that you have to BE totally congruent to what you really
want and not be apologetic for it, as there is no need to be apologetic
for it.
In fact, you should EMBRACE what you want and let it OOZE out of your
soul so that women can totally sense your aura of what you are about
without you hardly having to say a word about it. This is done through
the subtleties in your behaviour.
There is only a problem with being DECEPTIVE and with lies, even little
lies. But when you are OOZING your personality and values from your
pores, there is zero deception involved.
We are so conditioned to thinking that we need to provide "compensation"
to women for anything we enjoy with women. Whether it be paying for
dinners, or paying with guilt emotions, or whatever.
So what happens is that as guys we often give off partial vibes of
"exclusivity" even if we are NOT really interested in exclusivity.
But you can just as easily give off the vibes of non-exclusivity and
have many women be cool with that.
These vibes come across in the tone of the conversations you have, the
jokes you make, the highly flirty SEXUAL tonality of your voice, the
fact of whether or not you try to HIDE the fact that other girls call
you, etc.
If you are interested in seeing many women, there's a way for her to
know without you being insensitive to her about it. In fact, women do
this as well, they let a guy know if they are not exclusive, but they do
it in a way that's still not insensitive. In other words, it's not
revealed in a way that is done for manipulative or cruel effect.
Just like you can indirectly show you are viewing the dynamic between
you two as serious by going out several times a week and in general
acting like a boyfriend, so too you can show the other dynamic of
wanting to be with many women as well.
i.e. If she sees a bunch of phone numbers on your desk, and she
playfully calls you a heartbreaker, you can just playfully agree and
kiss her instead of having a useless and long discussion about it.
It's the truth, you do see other girls but you also really enjoy the
time you spend with her.
This way, she knows what the situation is, and if she doesn't like it,
she has the choice to leave. But if she stays, it's because she wants
to.
So this way, the vibes are all good, and in fact, when you do see her
again anywhere, you can give her a great big kiss. She will be HAPPY to
see you. And you will be HAPPY to see her. And any other girls with you
will see that clearly you are not the kind of guy that goes around
hurting women, yet you are also the kind of guy that women WANT.
This leads me to a slightly different, yet related issue that other guys
might find very helpful as well. It has to do with how being congruent
and having TRUE self-esteem adds a subtle yet insanely powerful touch to
your aura and to your instincts.
As I often say, attraction is about SUPERIORITY and you LIKING her. I
know the word "superior" doesn't sound good, but it's just the way it
works. Think about it this way, if it wasn't for the fact that most guys
feel totally INFERIOR to women, there wouldn't be a mass problem like
there is today. So that just proves that indeed attraction IS about
superiority. Men kiss up to women way more than vice versa. Why? Because
men feel that they are inferior.
However, it's always a careful balance between creating the tension that
PROVES your superiority and also PAYING OFF that tension with the REWARD
to her by showing that you actually GENUINELY LIKE her.
A lot of guys get so caught up in being hard to get, or in increasing
their value in all kinds of ways from their job to their personality to
their style of dress, that they forget that all this superiority is
WORTHLESS if you don't also give her a sense that you SERIOUSLY LIKE
her. In other words, having AMAZING RAPPORT SKILLS is also important.
Otherwise, it's like being in a restaurant and being STARVING and seeing
how great the food smells that you can almost TASTE it, but also being
told you CAN'T HAVE any, EVER. That would SUCK!!
So you need BOTH- you need to be slightly SUPERIOR, and you need to also
show you SERIOUSLY LIKE HER. Otherwise she feels like the person in that
restaurant who is being TORTURED with tease.
So you need to be BOTH.
Superior and also show that you seriously like her.
That's just the way it is being a MAN.
And believe me, being superior isn't easy.
It's far easier to be inferior.
And the NUMBER ONE SIGN of superior value, as I explain in far greater
depth and super high level detail in the CDs, is:
IMPENETRABLE SELF-ESTEEM.
But get THIS also:
The number one proof a guy does NOT have self-esteem is if he is
INCONGRUENT.
I never said that self-esteem is always the sign of RIGHTEOUSNESS.
Plenty of famous evil people were very congruent because they had
brainwashed themselves to believe all kinds of nonsense.
But the fact remains that as far as ATTRACTION goes, (attraction which
boils down to superiority) the number one CUE that a woman
subconsciously detects that makes her feel attraction to you is YOUR
IMPENETRABLE SELF-ESTEEM.
And if a guy is INCONGRUENT, i.e. he says he wants a relationship, but
really is just saying that to get a girl in bed, or he says he just
wants SEX because he thinks that THAT is impressive, when really he is
looking for something more than that in a non-needy way, well then a
woman will be able to TELL soon enough that he is NOT congruent. And
therefore, that he is not MAN enough to just go for what he wants and
not be apologetic about it and not be DECEPTIVE about it.
She senses he feels the need to SNEAK around what he really wants, as if
he really does NOT have the self-value to get it otherwise. He doesn't
HAVE what it takes to get it, so he has to "steal" it or "sneakily" get
it without her realizing what's going on. As if she would never WANT to
be with him for what he wants.
This doesn't mean all women will go for a guy that is just looking for
sex as long as he is congruent with it. And it doesn't mean that all
women will go for a guy that is just looking for a relationship as long
as he is congruent with it.
But what it DOES mean is that the women who ARE cool with just sex, or
with just relationships, or with EITHER, will ONLY feel attraction if
the guy is CONGRUENT to what he wants.
Anything less than congruency means the guy feels UNWORTHY of his own
desires.
This is why it's SO important to REALLY know what YOU want with women.
And to TOTALLY LOVE THE FACT that you want it. EMBRACE it!
So for example, when I am in a relationship, it's because I REALLY want
that. It's not neediness, it's not some kind of "tactic" to keep her.
Sometimes a woman can't BELIEVE it at first that I am really serious
because the only guys that they meet that are fun and not needy tend to
be "players". But as soon as a girl senses "player", she gets CREEPED
out and dumps him if she is interested in anything serious and is the
kind of woman who has OPTIONS.
But if I am not in a relationship, then I'm congruent with that as well.
It's not because I'm trying to "get" her into a relationship by using
some "player" tactic.
Quite simply, I do what I want and I don't lie about it to myself or to
women on any level, not even the most subtle of levels. (And the subtle
levels are actually the most powerful levels.)
Besides getting you INSANELY better RESULTS, it's also way more fun for
you AND for the women this way. Because when you are congruent, you FEEL
THE EMOTION more intensely, and that itself SUCKS HER INTO YOUR REALITY,
it makes your reality far more COMPELLING to her than if you were only
"halfway" into it.
Getting further into this concept, when you are aligned properly and
congruent to your own beliefs, you then KNOW when to say WHAT, because
your instincts are based on at least one complete map of ONE person's
world - yours, whereas most men and most women don't even know what they
themselves are about! So you can't rely on trying to figure them out,
but you can at least have YOUR map figured out. And if you have YOUR map
figured out, and you know what direction you believe is the right way to
go, well let me tell you that most people will GO with the person who
has SOME map. Again, because most people have NO map.
But if you are just trying to adopt the values and beliefs of the women
you meet in order to have sex with them, then you are going to totally
lack congruency. You will be internally shifting in every direction.
You will say one thing in words, but your body language will give you
away, no matter how many body language "tricks" you know.
Similarly, when you really know what you want and you EMBRACE it, and
you are true to yourself, you will know the difference between her being
playful, her testing you, and her behaving badly. But if your only value
is "scoring" you have no internal barometer of what is good behaviour
and what is bad behaviour, you have no internal barometer of when to go
into rapport, because your ONLY value is scoring.
If you have no internal map, then EVERYTHING she does is okay as long as
you think it might lead to scoring. And the irony is that is very
UNATTRACTIVE.
So you have no internal boundaries, no values, no nothing. On a
subconscious level to her, you have totally cheapened your value to her.
It will make you more inferior than anything you could possibly imagine.
She will sense that HER value is WAY superior to yours, since in fact
you would do ANYTHING just to score, since in fact that is your only
value that you are congruent to!
When a guy ONLY cares about scoring, he's not even congruent to the kind
of guy HE deep down really wants, because in fact any guy who is so
obsessed with getting girls at ANY cost is clearly a guy who has lost
his own self-esteem and whose "game" is NOT as tight as he claims.
The problem today is that guys don't know WHAT to believe or what they
are because there is a terrible lack of role models around. The irony is
that most of the guys giving advice on women are not congruent either.
Today they tell you one thing, tomorrow something completely
contradictory.
On top of that, as a culture in general, we are losing touch with the
most important thing that has bonded man and woman together since the
beginning of civilization:
The distinction between masculine and feminine.
In my book that sets the foundation, I constantly, (and I do mean
CONSTANTLY!) bombard you with how being THE MAN is so important.
I didn't choose that phrase "The Man" by accident.
"The Man" sums up excellence and MASCULINITY and dominance and quiet
confidence all at once.
Listen, if you look at our culture, in fact if you look at ANY culture
that has stood the test of TIME, you will see that there has ALWAYS been
a distinction between MASCULINE and FEMININE.
Never mind that it was "important".
It was more than "important".
It was something that IF VIOLATED, was considered "EVIL".
I'm certainly not a religious person, but I sure as heck am not ignorant
about history either. If you don't believe me, check out the history on
this subject.
So it was always important that men and women dressed differently,
behaved differently, etc. This PRESERVED the masculine and the feminine.
There was NO confusion about gender ROLES.
For the first time in history, these social roles are CRUMBLING, and
it's up to YOU to REINSTATE these roles in your own interactions with
women. It will make THEM feel more feminine and sexual with you, so you
are really doing THEM a service as well.
If you don't assert your masculinity, then you will have what most men
have today:
Women who act like men, while men often act like WOMEN!
And then we wonder why there is such a huge problem today with
attraction between men and women???
This is all HUGE stuff that's CRITICAL to understand if you are going to
have the kind of success with women that you really want.
If you want the most ADVANCED EDUCATION that you can apply in the REAL
world to get you you RESULTS with women, I seriously recommend you get
my SEDUCTION MASTERY APPRENTICESHIP PROGRAM CD Set.
And when on TOP of that you ALSO develop a RAZOR sharp sense of
confident HUMOR, you are making her feel even BETTER and also enhancing
your OWN superiority, forming a never-ending loop that makes her feel
greater and greater attraction to you.
I promise you this is just the tip of the iceberg, as there are MANY
MORE things you can do to enhance a woman's attraction to you so that it
skyrockets higher and higher.
To get your FOUNDATION for these skills, get my eBook NOW. This is where
the journey starts. It will set you straight on the path to attracting
women by reviving the natural instincts in you so that you can be the
man you were BORN to be. The kind of man that attracts women NATURALLY.
It's at:
www.thedatingwizard.com/ebook.htm
Michael W, better known as The Dating Wizard, is a dating and
relationship consultant for men, as well as a frequent guest on radio
and television talk shows. Michael has spent over four years studying
the specific male behaviors that trigger attraction in women. His
findings are based on both his real life observations of men who are
successful with women, as well as his research on evolutionary
psychology and its applications to sexual attraction.
To find out all about Michael, his book, and his consultation services,
check out
www.TheDatingWizard.com or call 416 630 9966.
