There's
something I HAVE to tell you: DON'T HOLD BACK.
This is a HUGE issue. Guys are holding back in so many ways, and it
makes an insanely massive and huge difference in their results with
women. I'm talking about holding back not only directly in their
interactions with women, but also in their daily lives and their overall
life, and it all makes a massive difference with women.
One of the things that
I think makes guys HOLD BACK is because they think that somehow it's the
RIGHT MORAL thing to do.
Think about it: Superman makes sure that as CLARK KENT, he HOLDS BACK.
Clark Kent holds back with his voice, his tonality and pitch sounding
meek and boring, he holds back with his decision making, not able to
make decisions, his body language is holding back, i.e. tight shoulders,
fidgeting, I could go on and on.
Yet we think Clark Kent is such a good guy. But the ONLY reason Superman
does this is because he knows that BEHAVIOUR is so powerful that it can
literally make people CHANGE THEIR PERCEPTION OF WHAT IS RIGHT IN FRONT
OF THEIR NOSES.
This stuff ain't just in comic books, folks. It happens in real life.
Superman has a good motivation for being Clark Kent, he NEEDS to do it
to keep his identity safe.
But why are YOU doing it?
You can be Superman ALL THE TIME.
STOP HOLDING BACK.
You can still be a GOOD GUY while NOT HOLDING BACK.
As long as you are HOLDING BACK, you will COME ACROSS as a guy who is
UNSURE of his own WORTH, and this will translate as INFERIORITY. And as
I always say, attraction equals superiority, and inferiority equals
revulsion.
You hear a lot about a term called CONGRUENCE. Which basically means
that you are TRULY consistent in your words AND behaviours. The BIGGEST
irony is that so many guys, by TRYING to be congruent, are in fact NOT
congruent.
What do I mean by this?
Well, as Yoda said back in Empire: "Do or do not. There is no try."
Insecurity is expressed through HOLDING BACK. You don't believe you will
be wanted so you hold back. What if you could not be emotionally hurt by
what other people thought?
How would you act then?
Would you feel the need to hold back?
I LOVE THE IDEA OF NOT ACTING WITH WOMEN. I LOVE THE IDEA OF BEING
YOURSELF WITH WOMEN. This means, though, that you must pay a BIGGER
price, it means that you must BE "The Man", and not just ACT like "The
Man".
It means that you must start LIVING your life the way DEEP DOWN you KNOW
you should be living it.
Look, let me tell you something, the reality is that besides food and
shelter, you need NOTHING. Chances are if you are reading this, you have
food and shelter, so WHAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK from LIVING AS YOU REALLY
BELIEVE.
It's SELF ESTEEM, that's what. Are you working at a job you HATE, and
taking crap from a boss at work for YEARS on end?
Why?
Afraid of getting fired?
So what?????
Let me ask you something:
HOW CONGRUENT can you interact with women, how CONGRUENTLY "cool" can
you be, how can you TRULY be totally confident, totally in control,
totally cocky, totally calm, totally fun, if the truth is you are NOT
LIVING YOUR LIFE THAT WAY AND GOING FOR IT.
After all, if you were REALLY exploding with self-esteem, you would have
all you need to be living the way you wish. You might not be RICH, but
you would at least be living according to your values.
I'm not telling you to start FIGHTS with people or to stir up sh*t at
work for no reason, but I AM telling you that the only thing keeping
most people in situations they don't want to be in is FEAR and lack of
self-esteem, they feel that they will be ridiculed or they will lose
status by making the decisions that they wish they could do and get
approval for.
Sorry, but you can't live your life that way. If life worked that way,
then Roger Bannister would have ONLY attempted to break the four minute
mile had people ENCOURAGED him. Fact was, experts told him it was
impossible.
You will usually NOT get encouragement when making the decision to
change your life because MOST PEOPLE around you are scared to heck
themselves of doing such a thing.
Let me give you an example:
Very often, good people hold on to BAD relationships.
Why?
Well for one thing, people have no idea about how to CHOOSE the right
person, and have no idea how to behave in a relationship, but ALSO it's
because they are afraid they NEED this person for their own self esteem.
Similarly, this happens when people stay in jobs they HATE.
Because they think they have NO CHOICE or that they need the money. Most
of the time, they DON'T need the money, but they need the self esteem
they think they are getting with it, be it the house or car or people's
approval or whatever.
Listen, when you are interacting with a woman, ALL THE SUBTLE TINY
DETAILS IN YOUR EXPRESSION AND BEHAVIOURS AND TONE OF VOICE and even the
CONTENT of what you say REFLECTS all the TRUE beliefs you have.
EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHAT YOU ARE FEELING AND THINKING INSIDE IS
CREATING A DIRECT EMOTIONAL EFFECT on the woman you are interacting
with.
And ultimately, if YOU feel like you are NEEDY for many things, if YOU
don't have ROCK SOLID beliefs about yourself so that you are on cloud
nine even WITHOUT the approval of others, if YOU are too afraid to make
the jump to courageous decisions, then how do you expect women to feel a
SEXY VIBE off from you?
WOMEN, and indeed human beings, are like SPONGES that SOAK up your
energy and FEEL your VIBE. These vibes are not some kind of hocus pocus
new-agey crap, they are simply COMMUNICATION that is delivered through
ALL THE SUBTLE things you do and believe about yourself.
What happens is, if YOU feel INVINCIBLE, IF you live your life with ZERO
tolerance for low self esteem, if you NEVER LET FEAR stop you from going
after the life you want, you are giving a woman the GIFT of feeling that
same INVINCIBILITY.
This is basically the same feeling that people who are hooked on drugs
get, except that THIS feeling is A BILLION TIMES BETTER SINCE YOU KNOW
IT IS THE PRODUCT OF YOUR REAL LIFE AND NOT JUST AN ILLUSION.
So DON'T HOLD BACK in your life, regarding ANYTHING. What are you
holding back for? Why are you going for SMALL TIME goals? Because you
are afraid of FAILURE? Who cares????
You don't NEED anything anyway!!
All you need is self esteem, the rest is just a medium for your self
esteem to be enhanced or expressed in. i.e, the job, the career, the
relationship, the mission you have set for yourself, etc.
DON'T BE A HOLDING BACK GUY. Also, this applies to a lot of things you
might not think.
If I enjoy the service I get somewhere, and I have the money, I'll often
give a damn good tip, far better than they expect.
You know why?
Why the heck not????
It feels GOOD to do this, and it also sends the message to your brain
that you have no need to HOLD BACK. I've also noticed that most of the
successful guys I know are VERY GENEROUS. Some of them are so generous
it actually causes me to re-think my own frames even further.
Interesting, eh? Scarcity type thinking breeds scarcity and abundance
type thinking breeds abundance.
And OF COURSE, this idea of NOT HOLDING BACK applies to your DIRECT
interactions with women as well.
So for example, let's create a "tough situation":
When you approach a woman, and she is ONE woman in a HUGE crowd, and she
is wearing headphones, WHY THE HECK ARE YOU HOLDING BACK????
Because it seems "HARDER"?
Harder how?
WHO CARES???
WHY ARE YOU HOLDING BACK?
Because of SELF ESTEEM LOSS?
Ahh, well then THAT is a problem, because you need to train yourself to
have INSANE amounts of self esteem, so that all this stuff is NOT EVEN
REGISTERING ON YOUR SELF-ESTEEM SCALE.
In fact, you feel BETTER about yourself for even JUST GOING FOR IT!!
After all, that's the only thing you have control over, GOING FOR IT.
And of course, with TRAINING and SKILL you have even MORE control over
the RESULTS and not just the action of going for it.
There's TONS more about NOT HOLDING BACK with women. Like when you start
talking to her, WHY ARE YOU HOLDING BACK by being SERIOUS?
Unless you are TRULY this serious guy all the time, and so far I have
met NO ONE who really is that way all the time, chances are you only
being SO SERIOUS because you are HOLDING BACK, you are NOT TOTALLY
ALLOWING YOURSELF TO ENJOY the experience, because you are still holding
on to your EGO.
LET IT GO AND ENJOY THE SHOW!
TOTALLY STOP HOLDING BACK and just ENJOY the interaction the same way
you should be ENJOYING or at least GETTING FULFILLMENT out of ALL that
you do.
The problem is when guys are smiling so hard to SHOW THE WOMAN his
approval as opposed to smiling because he is just ENJOYING the fun.
Believe me, she can TELL the difference the same way you can tell the
difference between if a KING gave you an award with a smile and a boss
giving you a smile as he asks you to work late for a double shift. One
smile is TOTALLY GENUINE and real and one is designed to try to make you
happy about something the other person knows you won't be happy about.
One is about a person giving VALUE and enjoying it, and one is about a
person who knows they are giving you crap.
MORE on not holding back:
So the woman gives you some kind of reason why she can't show up to a
coffee meet or whatever, and inside you KNOW you might be able to turn
this around, but you feel some doubt in you, and you don't want to look
desperate so you don't say anything.
Look, there is BIG difference between being DESPERATE and LETTING HER GO
SO EASY. When I meet a woman I like, I KNOW she might feels she needs to
show me she is not easy. So FINE, that's cool by me, because I KNOW THAT
I AM NOT GOING TO LET ANYTHING GET IN MY WAY.
So my VOCAL TONALITY will clearly indicate that when I tell her to
RESCHEDULE her schedule so that she CAN make it to our coffee meeting,
my tonality says CLEARLY that I am not desperate. Rather, my tonality is
implying I HAVE FULL CONFIDENCE YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE MEETING ME, AND IN
FACT IT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER WHAT YOU SAY RIGHT NOW.
Listen, before you actually get with a specific woman, you CAN'T TAKE
ANYTHING NEGATIVE SHE SAYS ABOUT YOU SERIOUSLY. Like, she can tell you
she doesn't feel attracted to you, she can tell you ANYTHING. IT DOESN'T
MATTER UNLESS YOU LET IT MATTER.
THE LESS YOU ARE AFFECTED BY HER Statements, especially anything that is
NOT about how AWESOME you are, the MORE she will TRULY feel attracted to
you.
Why?
Because if you are TRULY desirable, and IF you truly KNEW it, then you
would NOT care what she said. You would LAUGH at it and continue having
a great chilled out time.
This is about CREATING attraction, not about girls running to you
because you are ALREADY the stereotypical image of attractive. This is
about OVERPOWERING THEIR REALITY WITH YOURS.
PEOPLE in general have weak frames. If YOU truly develop the frame of
EXCELLENCE and ignore the other b.s. she might say, and you continue TO
PLOW AHEAD, full steam like a LOCOMOTIVE FROM HELL, you will GET TO YOUR
DESTINATION.
Yes, this kind of massive self-confidence, massive self-esteem, and
massive CONGRUENCE by actually LIVING your life this way, not just with
women, is OVERWHELMING.
No matter what a woman's frame of you is, at the moment she sees you,
YOUR FRAME of yourself MUST BE FAR FAR STRONGER, otherwise you are
simply at the mercy of whatever she happens to feel toward you in that
second.
That's not what CREATING ATTRACTION IS ABOUT. You create the attraction
with many things, but one of the CRITICAL things is by SUSTAINING YOUR
FRAME OF SUPERIORITY against her frame of you until HER frame CRUMBLES.
And if you think this is impossible, if you think this can't be done,
then you are already giving your fate with women over to women.
You think attraction is STATIC?
It's not.
It is CREATED.
Look at Twiggy vs Cindy Crawford.
Look at what passes for an attractive woman In some parts of the world.
In some parts of the world, a woman without a mustache is considered so
ugly that a mustache is PAINTED on her to help make up for her
"deficiency"!!!
And the current craze with boob jobs and implants? Mostly driven by
current trends. Same thing with oral sex. Oral sex is considered by many
today as a less intimate form of sex, but it was considered by many a
few decades ago as the most naughty thing.
It's all about THE DOMINATING FRAME. The media has done a good job of
DOMINATING THE FRAME so that people have accepted it.
But it's TOTALLY ARBITRARY.
So if it's totally arbitrary, then what the heck are you accepting the
frame THAT OTHERS put on your identity and your "desirable-ness" when
you can instill YOUR frame instead?
So stop HOLDING BACK FROM BEING who you REALLY want to be.
A woman you have recently met is not treating you with total respect?
CALL HER ON HER BULLSH*T.
She'll either change, or she won't, and you dump her.
But most guys are afraid to call her on her b.s. because she might LEAVE
THEM.
So what?
SO YOU LOSE THE GIRL, BIG DEAL.
The readiness to leave a situation that is beneath your dignity only
makes you MORE attractive, and only makes you MORE CONGRUENT in your own
worth.
Same thing with speaking up at work, etc. Look, in life you can't get
someone to give you guarantees. In fact, you can expect that many times,
you will have to pay the price, i.e. lose the job, change the job, lose
the girl, etc.
THAT is the way to STRENGTHEN your identity, through paying the price
EVEN when things don't turn out. After all, if things always turned out
right away for the positive, then everyone would go for it.
You must be insanely focused on your goal with a woman. like a
locomotive on rails that is going to get to its destination no matter
what. Any obstacle she puts up is OVERWHELMED by your frame. i.e. You
are at the club and she says she can't hear you, you talk LOUDER. She
says she has to go to her friends, you tell her something MORE
interesting, her friends come to rescue her, you WIN her friends as
well. She tells you she is not into you, you laugh and tell her that it
doesn't matter because you are the sexiest guy on earth regardless of
looks.
Because if you knew HOW LITTLE THAT LOGIC MATTERED, you would understand
me.
Guys SERIOUSLY think that it's all about looks, because they have not
witnessed the power of A DOMINANT AND SUPERIOR PERSONALITY. They have
not seen how this TRULY is overwhelming when expressed with BRILLIANCE
in its infinite forms ranging from creative auditory expressions to
awesome visual manifestations and even through kinesthetic dimensions.
This is the stuff that REALLY COUNTS. If you want to learn it for
YOURSELF, I seriously suggest you download my eBook, The Dating Wizard:
Secrets to Success with Women, IMMEDIATELY.
This book is where it all starts, it's the DNA for picking up women,
getting physical, and handling all the steps in between.
Download it now at: http://thedatingwizard.com/the_dating_wizard.htm
And if you would like to get the FULL PICTURE, to learn EXACTLY how to
go about approaching women to take things from that very first moment
all the way to the bedroom and beyond, and even where to find the RIGHT
kinds of women for YOU, as well as how to handle and even eradicate the
kind of ridiculous “tests” that even GOOD women tend to throw your way,
then I seriously suggest you sign up for my Live Bootcamp or Workshop
program where you will “work it” in the real world. These programs are
three days and three nights of MASSIVE learning and skill growth, where
we won’t stop until YOU have achieved YOUR goals.
http://thedatingwizard.com/bootcamp/
Michael W, better known as The Dating Wizard, is a dating and
relationship consultant for men, as well as a frequent guest on radio
and television talk shows. Michael has spent over four years studying
the specific male behaviors that trigger attraction in women. His
findings are based on both his real life observations of men who are
successful with women, as well as his research on evolutionary
psychology and its applications to sexual attraction.
To find out all about Michael, his book, and his consultation services,
check out
www.TheDatingWizard.com or call 416 630 9966.
