I’d like to get
down to one of the most important realizations I ever had about
attraction. Applying this will IMMEDIATELY improve your results with
women. To introduce the topic, I’ll start with a fresh email that just
came in yesterday.
Dear Michael,
Thanks a million for the stuff. All I can say is, your book contains
some ANTI-COMMON-SENSE.
Main concepts that work for me are:
* Keep advancing from one level to the next ASAP
* Teasing
* Looking in the eyes
There is one thing though. What works for me is the following:
I flirt with a girl when she is alone (at a shopping mall, club,
festival), take her for a coffee after talking to her for sometime, kiss
her during the coffee (or take her to a bar after the coffee and kiss
her there), after that to her home and sleep with her. Now she finds
herself in love with me
BUT if I just get her number after talking to her 4-5 minutes, I never
see the girl again.
Can you please figure out what is going on here?
Best,
Name withheld,
Germany
Hi Guy,
First, thanks for pointing out the stuff that’s working for you- eye
contact, teasing, and MOVING FROM ONE LEVEL TO THE NEXT are all MAJOR
parts of creating chemistry and being successful in your interactions
with women.
The part that I’d like to focus on here, that also holds the answer to
your question, is the “MOVING FROM ONE LEVEL TO THE NEXT”.
You have to ESCALATE THE HEAT.
In my eBook, I talk about getting the email or number, and if you
notice, I also talk about “instant dating” her right then and there, the
very first time you ever met. (The details of this can be found in my
eBook, at: http://thedatingwizard.com/the_dating_wizard.htm
The reason for this is because you always want to take an interaction as
far as it can go RIGHT NOW. You don’t want to push it off unless you
HAVE to for some reason, like time-constraints such as work, or other
emergencies or urgent issues.
The reason for this, is because you are BUILDING chemistry and
connection from SCRATCH here, so you really have to pack up some
momentum and some power to make EMOTIONAL IMPACT on her. Otherwise, its
too easy for her to dismiss the interaction and for it to not be
relevant by the time she goes home or the next day when she wakes up.
So you see, THAT is why you are having results when you keep the
interaction going, and why you are not getting results with just getting
the number (or email for guys that are just going for email) after 3-4
minutes.
This is why I always say to try to take things as far as you can. This
doesn’t mean that I believe that guys should try to sleep with as many
women as possible. In fact, that’s not my cup of tea. The thing is, when
it comes to what works, it really doesn’t matter what your goal is,
whether it’s for a relationship or something more casual, it just makes
way more sense to take your interaction as far as possible no matter
what your goal is.
Otherwise, you end up nowhere- no relationship, nothing casual, and
nothing in between either.
The thing is, you CAN often get a woman to contact you back even after
just a 3-4 minute interaction, but it will require the interaction to be
REALLY STRONG, either from an attraction standpoint, or even simply from
a CONNECTION standpoint that she feels she connects with you on some
level, (i.e. she finds out you both have something important in common)
so she feels it won’t be WEIRD or awkward when she meets you or talks to
you again.
So in her mind, even though she might not be attracted yet, she’s kind
of neutral but interested in finding out more. And you can then make
impact when you meet up again or talk on the phone.
Also, if the interaction is going well, but it really is a situation
where she is busy, like a salesgirl clerk at a busy grocery store, it’s
understood that there is not much time to chat there, so you don’t look
like a wuss for not trying to continue it. There are a ton of factors
that play into each interaction, and they all play a role in whether a
3-4 minute interaction has the strongest potential or not.
The bottom line though, is that the interaction has to register as
emotionally relevant or you can forget it.
However, once you HAVE accomplished this, it really doesn’t matter
whether you have her email, phone number, or you communicate by Morse
Code, she will be interested in following up with you.
Yet, all things being equal, DEFINITELY you should do everything you can
to ADVANCE the interaction TO THE NEXT LEVEL, to TAKE IT FORWARD.
YOU HAVE TO ESCALATE THE HEAT.
You can’t STAY in a “safe place” with a woman.
What I mean by that is that so many guys, in order to not feel the
potential rejection, will stay in a “safe place” in the interaction.
They will start a conversation, and she may be showing attention and
getting giggly, etc, but then the guy doesn’t PROGRESS the interaction
because it might mean feeling “bad” if she rejects his advance.
So the guy stays in the “safe zone” where he avoids moving to the next
step like instant dating her right then and there, and he instead
decides to go for the email or number.
Or he continues the interaction, but from too far away. He avoids
getting in very close to her, which he should do within moments of
meeting her. He avoids this so he can HOLD ONTO that good validating
feeling of at least having a woman PAYING ATTENTION to him.
This “safe zone” though is really a misnomer. It’s NOT safe at all!
In fact, staying in this “safe zone” will just BURN ITSELF OUT, leaving
NO new fuel to keep the interaction ALIVE.
The “safe zone” is really just the “save my ego” zone.
The thing is, you have to take your ego OUT of this whole thing called
“attracting women and having the time of your life”.
WHO CARES what happens?
You gotta know that, thank God, there are a lot of women, so even if for
some weird reason things don’t work out here, it will work out on
another woman! Instead of focusing on your ego, you should be focusing
on the MOMENT and not thinking so much.
I hate to quote Bruce Lee movies, and sound overly deep, but here I go:
“DON’T THINK.
FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL.”
You see, that way, you can be ENJOYING the interaction. It’s a give and
take, and that’s actually where the fun and feeling good comes from.
I was reading a great book co-written by the Dalai Lama, where he says
he believes that actually people are good by nature, they are nurturing
by nature, and he gives the example of how even from birth, it requires
both the baby and the mother to both be nurturing, or it wouldn’t work.
My point is that human beings FEEL GOOD when they are giving and taking,
in balance. This is what happens in any great interaction, including
with a woman you are with. So just ENJOY the vibe, because THAT’S what
it’s all about, TRUST ME ON THIS!!!!
Having a great interaction is actually the most natural thing in the
world, it feels great, and it’s just because of a screwed up world and
bad conditioning and bad beliefs that make people insecure, angry, and
anti-social.
Naturally, though, the vibe is AWESOME between people. You have to tap
into this.
When you are going on THIS vibe, especially when it’s with a woman you
like, then you WANT to progress the interaction, simply because it feels
SO GOOD that you can’t help but want to escalate it.
If you ARE going to think anything, then at least think “She is going to
be NUTS about me”. Franco Columbo, one of the bodybuilding stars of the
Schwarzenneger era, used to say, “I never enter any competition thinking
that I am going to do anything but win.”
And just in case all the above hasn’t hammered the point into you, let
me ALSO state that not only will the interaction burn itself out if you
don’t advance it forward, but women will seriously get PISSED OFF at you
for not advancing an interaction when it felt good. They will be both
pissed that they aren’t getting to enjoy the heightening emotions, and
they will be pissed that you were too much of a wuss to push it forward.
It’s as if she thinks to herself, “Hmmm, I THOUGHT he was a man, but
dammit I was WRONG!! Arggghh!!!”
So you really can’t lose, because NOT escalating is definitely a
mistake, always.
Now, this does not mean to act NEEDY or desperate by PLEADING for things
to move forward, like ASKING HER if you can kiss her, etc. Ugh. No no
no. It means that as you see she is receptive and friendly and having a
good time, you make sure to escalate rather than stay in the “safe
zone”.
So you have to go from phase to phase, from warming things up,
attracting her, and creating a connection, to getting into more privacy,
more physical contact, and so on.
And if you would like to learn about each phase, and how to move from
one level to the next so that you can escalate the heat, then I
seriously suggest you IMMEDIATELY download my eBook-
The Dating Wizard: Secrets to Success with Women,
at: http://thedatingwizard.com/the_dating_wizard.htm
Inside, you'll learn:
-How to trigger attraction instantly.
-How to approach women and create "instant dates."
-How to get physical.
-How to handle tests.
-How to create a powerful sense of connection.
-And much, much more.
And if you would like to get the FULL PICTURE, to learn EXACTLY how to
go about approaching women to take things from that very first moment
all the way to the bedroom and beyond, and even where to find the RIGHT
kinds of women for YOU, as well as how to handle and even eradicate the
kind of ridiculous “tests” that even GOOD women tend to throw your way,
then I seriously suggest you sign up for my Live Bootcamp or Workshop
program where you will “work it” in the real world. These programs are
three days and three nights of MASSIVE learning and skill growth, where
we won’t stop until YOU have achieved YOUR goals.
http://thedatingwizard.com/bootcamp/
Michael W, better known as The Dating Wizard, is a dating and
relationship consultant for men, as well as a frequent guest on radio
and television talk shows. Michael has spent over four years studying
the specific male behaviors that trigger attraction in women. His
findings are based on both his real life observations of men who are
successful with women, as well as his research on evolutionary
psychology and its applications to sexual attraction.
To find out all about Michael, his book, and his consultation services,
check out
www.TheDatingWizard.com or call 416 630 9966.
