WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN Doc Love Success Coach
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
Hey Doc,
I’m writing you for some sage advice on a serious situation in my life. I have
asked many of my close friends for help with this, and they all give me
conflicting answers, so I thought maybe some outside advice on this issue might
help.
I’ve been divorced two and half years now from Emily (we were married for seven
years, no kids), and am living with a new woman, Jill, who is just great. She’s
totally into me and completely different in temperament and personality from
Emily.
I, on the other hand, am still deeply in love with my ex. She was the one who
wanted the divorce, and hasn’t spoken with me until just this past Christmas. At
that time we finally got to talk about all our past issues. There was a moment
in our conversation when she began to act like the woman I fell in love with
years ago, and when she confronted me with the statement that “I hated her,” I
broke down and confessed that I still loved her and always would.
Well, Doc, she was completely taken off guard and blurted out that she still had
deep feelings for me, but was unsure of exactly how she felt and what, if
anything, to do about it. She is currently seeing someone else too, and her
concern seems to be focused on the fact that I’m living with another woman
presently. She says that she doesn’t believe me when I say I still love her. I
think this is because she systematically tried very hard to push me away when we
were getting divorced.
Doc, I still love Emily and want her back desperately. I don’t want to hurt
Jill, but my heart cries out for my ex. What the heck is a guy supposed to do in
this situation? Is it possible to ever go back and start all over again?
Tiger - who has watched two worlds collide
Hi Tiger,
Your first problem is asking all of your “close friends” for advice. When it
comes to love, I’M your close friend. I’m your ONLY close friend. And your old
friends are your enemies. Why? Because they don’t know “The System.” So to start
off, you’ve got everything back-asswards. These so-called friends of yours --
while I’m sure they have wonderful intentions -- give you confusing, conflicting
answers because they’re all stupid when it comes to love. And that’s your
problem, pal. I’m not the one who should be the source of “outside advice” when
it comes to women -- your friends should be on the outside. Because they’re
outside of reality.
So, these two flames of yours are as different as night and day. Meaning what?
The only difference that’s obvious is that the babe you’re living in sin with,
Jill, has 95% Interest Level in you, and the other one doesn’t. But that’s a BIG
difference.
By the way, if you’re so deeply in love with your ex, what the heck are you
doing misleading poor Jill? Why are you moving in with another person when you
don’t care about her? Are you using her like a nurse in a convalescent home
until you get well and then you’re going to hand her walking papers and break
her heart? My rules say that we don’t use women. If we’re done learning from
them or we don’t dig them, we don’t waste their time. Next!
Let’s move on to your main problem -- Emily, your lovely ex-wife. She was the
one who wanted the divorce? Tiger, women are the ones who ALWAYS want the
divorce! What planet have you been living on? Come on, guy, that’s about as
basic as it gets!
She finally spoke to you last Christmas after two and a half years? What was she
after, a present or something? When you two finally hashed out all your past
issues, did she tell you about how you fatally lowered her Interest Level
because you were all over her all the time and pressured her and treated her
like your mommy?
No, she didn’t. She acted, at least for a few minutes, like the girl you fell in
love with. Man, you have got to quit smoking the marijuana, please. Now think
about this. You’re telling me you have 100% Interest Level in Emily -- and I
believe you, Tiger, I believe you -- and she’s telling you that you hated her?
Huh? Like my cousin Jethro Love would say, “That there’s the most convoluted
declaration of love I ever heard!”
By the way, when you broke down and confessed to the divine Emily that you would
always love her, did you grovel and beg, too? Did you get down and kiss her
feet? Are you sure your name’s really Tiger? Because you’re acting more like a
nice, tame little pussycat.
It’s fascinating that Emily used the word “unsure” when she was talking about
her feelings for you. I’ve got news for you, my friend. She was lying like a
Persian rug. Like my cousin Rabbi Love says, “No woman since Eve has ever been
unsure.” The reality is that Emily hates you, Tiger, and not vice-versa.
Your ex is seeing someone else, too? That means she’s seeing two people -- you
and this other stud-muffin. She entertained you for a half-hour at Christmastime
and you went off into la-la land, dreaming about the good old days. All the
while she’s in the arms of a new man, making out, grabbing him and everything
else a woman does when she has high Interest Level in a guy. And like my cousin
Sal “The Fish” Love likes to say, “They would have done a lot more, but they
didn’t have the time!”
And guess what? She’s not fantasizing about you, like most of you pitiful guys
fantasize about your exes. But she says her main “concern” is that you’re living
with another woman. Well, Tiger, she has to give you something. Women never tell
the truth – which in this case is, “Guess what – I have low Interest Level in
you!” Ever hear of WOMANESE? Check out my book. The entire dictionary of
Womanese – the science of what they say versus what they mean – is included in
the last chapter.
Here’s another thing, my friend. Emily DOES believe you when you say you still
love her. She’s lying to you when she says she doesn’t. The problem is that she
wants no part of you and your declarations of undying devotion (except for the
momentary ego rush it gives her). The harder you push, the harder she rejects.
And, oh -- you mean a woman pushes you away when you get divorced? Gee, I didn’t
know that!
But after all this brutal spurning you’ve endured you still swear that you’re
totally, desperately gone over your ex. Know what guy? “Desperately” is the
worst word in the world. NOTHING IS WORSE IN A WOMAN’S EYES THAN A DESPERATE
MAN. Why not try acting like a creature with a backbone for a change instead of
being one more pathetic Wimpus Americanus?
So at the end of the day you’ve got one problem in your obsession with Emily,
plus you’ve got your roommate – you’ve got to get rid of her, and that’s another
problem. But you know what, buddy? I think you’re living with a good one – Jill
-- right now. And you don’t even see it. Maybe you should open your eyes to
what’s right in front of you in the present instead of living in the past. The
past is over, in case you haven’t noticed. Like the great love doctor Sigmund
Freud once wrote, “Why would you want to torture yourself over what’s finished
and done? You got a problem or something?”
Remember, guys: never try and keep someone who doesn’t want to keep you.
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at:
www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
