WOMEN DON'T LIE - MEN DON'T LISTEN Doc Love Success Coach
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
Hey Doc,
I’ve got a little situation here. I’ve been dating Parker for three months now
and things having been going fine except for this one phone conversation the
other night that threw me for a loop. It revolved around her ex- boyfriend, who
she still sees on a regular basis. (They run a business together.) Anyway, she
wanted to know if I felt comfortable with that situation. The conversation then
somehow shifted to the topic of cheating. She asked me how I felt about it, and
if I would ever take a girlfriend back if she cheated on me.
Well, I told her that I wouldn’t think twice about ditching that person since I
wouldn’t want to be with someone who was a backstabber. Parker was very upset
with this response. She then said that if I happened to cheat on her, she would
take me back since she’s a forgiving person and that I should see the good in
people like she does. I sensed some anger in her tone when she asked if I
believe that people could change. I told her that I wouldn’t want to take on the
task of changing anyone and that I’m not a therapist. This angered her further.
She also said that things sometimes happen and that people make mistakes,
especially under the influence of alcohol. Then I asked if she had done anything
with her ex since we started dating, and her response was “Tonight?” (Meaning as
opposed to all the other nights!) I thought this was very strange. Then I asked
if she still has feelings for this guy and she said that there are no sparks
between them, but that she still finds him very attractive.
Then Parker confessed that her ex had asked her to stay over at his place about
a week ago but that he told her to take the bed and he’d sleep on the couch. To
make the story a little more interesting, she added that he said he respects
what she has with me and wouldn’t put her in a position where she would have to
say no to him. And oh, that he’s a very “physical” person.
Then she told me that she didn’t sleep over at his house that night after all. I
had a gut feeling that something happened between them and told her so. I
requested some time to myself to think about all this and she began to cry, but
she really didn’t put up much of a fight after I basically accused her of being
a cheater. But she told me that I took everything the wrong way because she just
wanted to know how I felt about cheating. She then told me to take as much time
as I needed.
Doc, do you think I overreacted? Should I call Parker back? And the most
important question of all – do you think she cheated?
Kenyon - who can’t figure out what she was trying to say
Hi Kenyon,
Jeez, pal, you screwed up so many times I hardly know where to start! But we’ll
wade through your mess step by step anyway to see where you went wrong.
First of all, WHY IN THE WORLD ARE YOU TALKING TO THIS BABE ON THE PHONE? You
should only talk to a woman face to face. This demonstrates to me that you’re
way too loose with her and that you’re not abiding by my rules. So odds are you
won’t keep Parker. And I also tell you in the Dating Dictionary to never talk
about other guys with a woman. And Parker seems to be yakking about this ex of
hers all the time! Instead of getting enmeshed when she brings up his name, your
response should be “Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.” And then you change the subject.
But Parker and the other guy run a business together. So now here you are
getting involved with someone who still sees her ex on a regular basis! Why is
she maintaining a tie to him? Why didn’t she cut the business in half if it was
truly over between them? Why didn’t she buy him out or vice-versa? These are the
questions you have to ask, dude. You have to be like a forensic scientist at a
crime scene. You have to be the equivalent of Sam Waterston on Law And Order
(except that you’ll be a love cop on Love And Order). And you have to be very,
very specific, and think about and dissect the evidence.
When Parker asked if you felt comfortable with her situation, she was trying to
put you on the defensive. To you Psych majors, women are master intimidators. It
was a no-win situation for you. If you say you’re comfortable with it, you’re
lying straight through your teeth. If you say you’re not, then you’re also doing
something wrong because now you’re being insecure. So it’s a very intimidating,
aggressive question. (Nice girl, this Parker, right? She sure knows how to calm
a guy’s fears about the competition! What a prize!) So what you should have said
to her was “Why wouldn’t I be?” and knocked the ball right back into Serena’s
teeth! Then you should have added, “Why do you ask? What did you have in mind?”
You tell her you don’t like backstabbers. You, Kenyon, and 99% of all the women
in the world who don’t dig cheaters. So what do you have here, with Parker?
She’s the 1% that thinks it’s perfectly okay to betray a guy! Then she has the
gall to tell you to see the “good” in people and that you should take a cheater
back!
That was the perfect opening for you. You should have come right back with “Hey
-- you got a hot girlfriend I can start cheating with right now?” (And you
should have asked the question face to face!) She wanted to know if you think
people can change. Rightfully, you don’t want to be a crutch to this bird with a
broken wing. But look, SHE’S TELLING YOU HER VALUE STRUCTURE. SHE’S TELLING YOU
HOW SHE REALLY LOOKS AT THINGS. This is so important, man! Like the great genius
Doctor Freud once said, “You’re really seeing the kind of cuckoo you’d be living
with in the same cage for the rest of your life if you said those terrible
words: ‘I do.’”
That remark about booze was particularly revealing. If I were you, pal, I’d want
to make sure I counted Parker’s drinks on every date from now on in! And when
she came back with that snotty question about whether she cheated “tonight,” you
should have pinned her down on the facts. “Since you’ve ‘broken up’ with your
ex, has he tried to kiss you? Did you try and push him away?” You should have
made the whole thing black and white – you can’t ever give a woman wiggle room.
Because like my Uncle Jethro Love says, “When you give a wench room to wiggle,
she’ll dive right into Womanese, my boy!”
Ah, what a fine gentleman Parker’s ex is, not wanting to put her in the terribly
uncomfortable position of having to say no to him. Of course not – he just wants
her in his bed, that’s all! This guy really beats around the bush! You know what
“he’s a physical person” means, don’t you? It means he’s all hands! When she
said she didn’t sleep over that night after all, that translates as she left at
4 a.m.!
As my cousin Fast Eddie Love would say, “My man, you’re drowning in a sea of
Womanese!”
That said, I don’t think you overreacted to what she told you. I think you
handled the situation decently, but next time you should be more specific in
your accusations and questioning.
Should you call Parker back? What for? Are you two going to go and live on the
psycho farm together and have little baby psychos? I don’t think so. This broad
is off in la-la land! You won’t make it 40 years with this girl in a cabin in
the snow up in Anchorage. Like Sal “The Fish” Love says, “It ain’t gonna fly!”
Do I think Parker cheated, Kenyon? Let me ask you this: Does Donald Trump have
pretty hair?
Remember, guys: when you’ve got a nutcase on your hands, please move on.
Guys, e-mail me at doclove@doclove.com
with your love challenges. All will be answered, but because of space, only letters of general interest will be printed. To find out more about The "System" visit me at:
www.doclove.com or (800) 404-2644.
Doc Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he has asked thousands of women, "Why do you stay with one man versus another?"
