The point I'm making is
that you MUST get over that fear/insecurity/jealousy issue, and realize that
there is nothing to be afraid of.
***Question From An Ebook Reader***
Dear David,
I am recently divorced and found myself having a hard time making
connections with women after being in a 9-year relationship. Before I met my
ex-wife I considered myself as a "player" and had little trouble finding
girls to go out with. After being out of the scene for so long, I had lots
of trouble trying to get back in to the swing of things. Your ebook and
emails have instantly put me back in the game and I am now getting dates
with very attractive women! Its been amazing!! Thank You!
Now for the question. All these attractive women have brought something into
my dates that I am not used to, Men (Cock Blockers)! Currently, I am dating
this "bomb-shell" occasionally and when we go out on a date, men will hit on
her as soon as they get a chance. If I turn my back for second, some guy
will try to make eye contact or say something to her. I don't blame the guys
because she is very hot, but how do I deal with this in a way that shows I
am 100% confident? Typically, I just laugh and continue to have a goodtime
by ignoring the lame ass attempts to pick up on my date, but there has to be
a way that I can turn this around to make me look more confident in her
eyes.
You da man,
B from Colorado
David D. >>>My Comment:
Well then... welcome back!
I've noticed that the period after breaking up with a long-term girlfriend
or spouse is often a difficult one. I think it's easy for men (and women) to
become so comfortable and emotionally dependent in a relationship that they
experience a lot of FEAR when ending that relationship...
"What's going to happen?"
"Will I ever meet another woman?"
"How do I get started?"
...etc.
I can remember breaking up with long-term girlfriends in years past, and
feeling an empty, fearful, LONELY combination of emotions in my gut that was
HORRIBLE.
That ALONE is enough to cause a lot of problems.
Add to that not knowing where to start, what to do, or how to "get your game
back" if you had it in the past and you usually get a bad situation. I've
learned that knowing how to go out anytime and meet women has a couple of
MAJOR benefits when it comes to this area:
1) When you know that you can meet women anytime you want, it makes you stop
acting so NEEDY and CLINGY in a relationship. Most needy and clingy Wuss
behavior is rooted in the FEAR that you'll never be able to find another
woman.
2) When it comes to ENDING a relationship, this skill makes things MUCH
easier. Too many guys stay in relationships that are bad for them, and are
afraid to END a relationship because of that deeply-rooted insecurity that
comes from not knowing how to walk out the door anytime, anywhere and meet
women. When you know how to do this, you won't try to hold on like a
girly-man, sacrifice your own respect and dignity pleading and begging, and
ultimately make the situation much worse than it would have been if you
would have just walked away.
In short, what I'm trying to say is that I think understanding this area
called "How to attract women" is a KEY to having a good relationship.
When you have that inner confidence and KNOWING, it makes you more
attractive, period.
Now let's talk about what to do about competition from other guys...
First I want to talk about what I believe is at the ROOT of the problem:
1) INSECURITY.
2) JEALOUSY.
When you are insecure, you're always wondering if some other guy is going to
come along and steal your girl.
This often shows up as a combination of feelings that make you worry about
losing your girl, and at the same time worrying about not being able to find
another one if you DO lose this one.
This is a BAD, BAD thing, because it then CLOUDS YOUR THINKING, and creates
an illusion that the woman you're with is BETTER than she is, and that
you're WORSE than you are.
We're talking about some deep issues here, but this is the stuff that
triggers the ULTIMATE WUSS types of behaviors.
Then, as if things weren't bad enough, you go out with your girl, and other
guys start hitting on her right in front of you.
This triggers MORE insecurity, and then the REAL problem... JEALOUSY.
Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion. It often leads people to KILL
people they love.
One scientist wrote an entire book about Jealousy, and basically claimed
that it was the most powerful and important emotion ever! (The book is
called "The Dangerous Passion" by Buss).
When you're out with your girl, you turn around to order a drink, and when
you turn BACK around there's some guy talking to her with that "I'd love to
take you home and do things that the lord forbids", it can trigger a few
emotions...
This is very natural. Animals have this same response in similar situations.
I personally believe that we come pre-wired with BOTH of these things:
-We come pre-wired to want women that other men already have (Don't covet
thy neighbor's wife).
-We come pre-wired to feel jealousy if we suspect that our spouse is
cheating, or if we think that someone is going to take them from us.
Again, normal and natural stuff.
If Yoda were here, he'd probably say:
"Jealousy is useless...
...Jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to INSECURE WUSSY BEHAVIOR... and
insecure Wussy behavior leads to the DARK SIDE."
Now, jealousy doesn't always lead to insecure WUSSY behavior, sometimes it
leads to insecure DUMB ASS behavior, like getting into a fight, or shooting
someone. Some men enjoy fights and violence. And some women have no problem
dating a man who likes to beat other men up (or beat her up).
I personally think that violence and hurting other people is the IGNORANT
way to deal with things. But I also know that there are a lot of guys out
there that don't share my views. To each his own.
The POINT I'm trying to make is that insecurity and jealousy make people do
all kinds of stupid and thoughtless things.
These emotions take over your mind and body, and can trigger some of the
most short-sighted behaviors you'll ever experience.
These are complex emotions that have evolved over millions and millions of
years... and they're not going away anytime soon. In many cases, they
literally take control of your mind and body.
For instance...
Let's say you've just broken up with your girlfriend or wife, and it took
you a long time to finally get a date with an attractive woman. Maybe you
were feeling insecure, and didn't know if you could meet another woman, and
let's say that the breakup was hard on you as well.
Let's say you're out at a bar with your new date, and you excuse yourself to
use the boy's room... and when you get back, there are TWO big, handsome
guys talking to your date, and she's laughing hysterically at what they're
saying.
What would most guys do in this situation?
THEY'D FREAK. That's what.
All kinds of fear, jealousy, insecurity, etc. would INSTANTLY take over, and
there would be thoughts of her wanting to be with these guys, them taking
her away, etc.
And what do most guys actually DO in one of these situations?
They walk over, act nervous, and try to take the girl away from the
situation. And they make the mistake of making it OBVIOUS that they're all
freaked out, intimidated, jealous, and insecure. This, of course, only makes
the other guys feel more powerful, and makes the woman realize that she's
with an insecure WUSS. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, in most cases.
As a side note: I have met and know of guys who actually ENJOY picking up
women who are out with other guys. It's a game to them. And they've found
that it's EASY, because most men are insecure, and most women don't want to
be with a WUSS...
So what's the answer here?
What's the best thing to do when a guy is making his move on your girl?
Well let's start from a little BEFORE that.
The best thing you can do in one of these situations is what you do BEFORE
it ever happens... and it's a combination of things:
1) Realize that there's nothing to be insecure and jealous about, and that
these things only lead to fear and loss.
2) Get your game in shape with women. Get yourself to the point where you
can meet women in ANY situation, this way you always know DEEP DOWN that if
any woman you're with ever decides to leave, you can turn around and start
meeting women. This eliminates insecurity.
3) Mentally prepare. Take some time to imagine that you're in one of these
situations, and notice the feelings you have. Go over it in your mind until
you can think about it without having any negative emotions triggered.
And here's what to do when you're actually IN the situation...
1) EXPECT IT. If you start dating hot women, other men will hit on them,
GUARANTEED. It's part of life, man. You must expect that it's going to
happen, and not be surprised when it does.
2) Learn how to have FUN with it. Most guys have no game at all... and it's
kind of funny to watch and listen to them. I enjoy watching guys try to meet
women, because they FAIL miserably in most cases. I like to wait until a guy
is finished trying to pick up on the girl I'm with, and then get her to
share the details so I can laugh.
3) Suggest that she date the guy. One of my favorite things to do is say
"Hey, you guys would make a cute couple... I think you should go for him."
Of course, this is all said in a light, fun way.
4) If you suspect that the girl you're with is actually TRYING to make you
jealous, talk to other women. If you actually think that a woman is
deliberately trying to make you jealous, you must do some thinking as well.
Some women enjoy making men compete over them, and you probably don't want
to be with one of these women. They're a pain. But if you think it's just a
typical situation and the girl is trying to figure out if you "really" like
her (because you'll get jealous if you do), then just turn around and start
a conversation with a group of girls... and wait for her to come and find
you.
The point I'm making is that you MUST get over that fear/insecurity/jealousy
issue, and realize that there is nothing to be afraid of.
The only power that other guys will have with your date is the power that
you GIVE them... so don't give them any power by acting like a WUSS. Keep
your power for yourself. The main reason that other guys try to hit on your
girl is because they don't have one themselves. Remember that.
...and if you're reading this right now and thinking to yourself "You know,
I need to learn this stuff about how to meet and attract women so I can get
rid of that insecure and fearful feeling I have", then YOU'RE RIGHT!
I think that every man should invest in himself, and learn this skill.
Unfortunately, most guys never take the time and invest in themselves... and
they wind up going their whole lives WISHING that they could attract the
kinds of women that they want.
Well, I used to be one of the guys who didn't know what he was doing with
women. Now I'm one of the guys who can go out anytime, in any situation and
attract women.
What's the difference?
I TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN.
And if you'd like to learn, then I recommend you learn the things that I
learned FIRST.
It's taken me a long time to figure all this stuff out, and it's also taken
a lot of time, effort, and energy on my part to put it all down on paper and
on audio and video... so that any guy can learn from the things I've
discovered.
I'd like to personally invite you to check out my materials. In a matter of
hours you can learn things that it took me YEARS to figure out... all from
the comfort and privacy of your own home.
The
reason I wrote my original eBook "Double Your Dating" was because I wanted
to be able to help other guys out there to understand how to be successful
with women and dating... without having to go through all the hassles and
wasted time that I had to deal with.
I invite you to check it out.
I mean, you'll never reach a point where you never have any problems with
women, but you sure can prevent and eliminate about 80% of them by just
knowing what to do to set up each step with women, and how to respond to
certain situations.
If you'd like an introduction to my main concepts and techniques, then you
need to start with my eBook, Double Your Dating. It's the foundation for
everything that I teach in these articles, and it's a MUST-read. It's here: http://www.doubleyourdating.com/
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it. Talk to you soon, David D.
P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like
to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines: 1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max. 2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate
all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your
stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the
specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations. 3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of
the email. I read these first. 4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're
from. 5) Send it to me at: SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
(c) 2002-2005 David DeAngelo, All Rights Reserved. By
accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional
advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless.
http://www.doubleyourdating.com
