Women generally aren't
attracted to men who get too lovey-dovey and emotional too quickly. There's
no mystery or challenge when you fall in love immediately.
*** Email of the Week ***
Dear David,
My name is O. I'm 20 years old, living in Cyprus. Actually in my college i
got interested to a gal.
She was also good with me and many times did something that means, at least
for me, she is interested to me too. Recently I got her mobile number and i
called her the day after it and she talked to me normally BUT after a few
days when i called her again she did not answered to my call (she didnt pick
the mobile up). then I sent her this SMS:
Without U life is Black not White.Without U the world has no hope,no
light.Without U I cant go left or right.Without U I lose my sight.THANK U MY
GLASSES!
I called her 2 or 3 times after it in 3 days but she didnot answered
again.Then I sent her this SMS: DAYS R 2 BUSY HOURS R 2 FAST SECONDS R 2 FEW
BUT THERE IS ALWAYS TIME 4 ME 2 REMEMBER YOU!
2 days after it I again called her and this time she didnot pickup the phone
as well,So I decided to say her every thing and tell her the truth and at
least I will know is she really likes me or not,then i sent her this
message:
Hello my A.,I sent you lots of messages BUT you did not answered to me.Im
worry about you,is every thing all right? I want to tell you a truth... I
like you, in fact I love you. You are always in my mind,you are everywhere,I
never forget you...I REALLY MISS YOU!
Then, after 2 hours she replyed me with this message:
Hey O. I got all your messages I'm all right <thanks for asking>.Sorry for
not replying.Anyway I want to tell u that I just want a be your friend.Sorry
if I Gave u the wrong idea, I didn't want u to misunderstand me
With this message she told me that she doesnot want to be my girl friend so
in reply to her I wrote this(I said good bye):
Thanks for answering.I hope you be successful in your life everywhere with
anybody and thanks for every thing 'cause you taught me many things!
I was not expecting any reply from her but she sent this sms right after my
sms:
I enjoy being your friend.I WISH U THE BEST.Have a nice holiday.Sorry if I
made u feel bad:(
did not send her any sms but after 2 days she sent me this sms, which really
made me quite confused:
* * * * * * * * * * * *....FRIENDS are like stars.... you do not ALWAYS SEE
them but you know they are ALWAYS there!!!
I really need your advise. The girl who did not EVEN wanted to answer to my
calls now sends me such messages!
Now,I beg you please tell me what does she mean by these words? and What
should I do?
I really loved her but when she told me that she want just to be my
friend,however,it was hard for me to believed but I accepted it and said
goodbye to her with my last message.But as you can see....!!!!
I need your idea totally, What do think about her? and IF you suggest me to
continue being her friend What should I do now after sending that goodbye
sms? What should I reply to her last message,what should I told her?
honestly, I still like her! but I think Im not sure is she playing with me?
and the last question, If she want me just as friend Am I so important for
her that she do not want to lose me? and Why?
I'm looking forward to hear from you. Please tell me what do you think about
her from her messages.
Very Sincerely Yours,
O.
David D. >>>My Comments:
Even though you live all the way on the other side of the world from me in
Cyprus, I can still feel your pain. I think that probably every man can
identify with the following sequence:
1) Meet girl.
2) Get along well with girl.
3) Feel attracted to girl and think she is attracted to you.
4) Tell girl that you like her (after getting up the nerve).
5) Girl disappears.
6) Call girl 47 times, but still no response.
7) Finally girl turns up and says, "I only like you as a friend and sorry if
I hurt you".
...Ouch. I know it's a bummer, but you might take comfort knowing that this
has happened to me and just about every guy I know MANY times.
Let me take a shot at explaining what's going on here and hopefully help you
and the others reading this to avoid this kind of thing as much as possible
in the future. From my perspective, there are a few main issues going on
here all at once...
1) Women are complex and often illogical (so are men, but in different
ways).
2) Women are attracted to men for reasons that most men either don't know,
don't understand, or won't accept.
3) The way that women communicate isn't always as "direct and
straightforward" as most of us guys would like.
4) It's difficult to un-do one of these situations once it has reached this
point.
5) There are things you can do to avoid this kind of thing in the future.
So, let's deal with these one at a time as they relate to your situation...
1) Women are complex and often illogical (so are men, but in different
ways):
Women act on emotion and intuition more than men. They don't do the
"logical" thing as often as men.
Women walk into Starbucks and order a "fat free" cafe mocha and then get
WHIPPED CREAM on top. No kidding. I see it all the time...
Women will go through a full closet of clothing trying to choose something
to wear to the supermarket, then conclude that "there's nothing to wear in
here"...
Women spend $200 on shoes that are going to be worn a few times...
Again, men have their bizarre behaviors, and I'm not trying to "badmouth"
women... but in my experience women are usually not very LOGICAL about
things... and they're ESPECIALLY illogical when it comes to relationships.
Men are perfectly logical. They want to have sex with everything. Women
aren't. They only want to have sex with men who DON'T want to have sex with
them. LOL!
My point is that you have to put your ideas about how things "should" be OUT
OF YOUR MIND. Start a new way of thinking about things based on REALITY and
not LOGIC.
2) Women are attracted to men for reasons that most men either don't know,
don't understand, or won't accept:
As I like to say, "Attraction Isn't A Choice".
We don't think about who we'd like to feel attraction for, it just happens
on its own in most cases.
But the thing to remember is that ATTRACTION has a pattern. It's like a
combination lock or a puzzle. There is a way to create it if you know the
"recipe". On the other hand, if you DON'T know the recipe, then you're not
likely to figure it out by trial and error. And the reason for this -- again
-- is because IT'S NOT LOGICAL.
While men are attracted mostly to LOOKS, women are attracted mostly to
PERSONALITY TRAITS.
In your situation, you displayed the personality trait that I refer to as
WUSSY a little too early in the game.
Women generally aren't attracted to men who get too lovey-dovey and
emotional too quickly. There's no mystery or challenge when you fall in love
immediately.
And when you call 31 times a day, it only makes the problem worse. What you
need to do in these situations is LEAN BACK more and give her some space.
Give her room to think about you and miss you.
3) The way that women communicate isn't always as "direct and
straightforward" as most of us guys would like:
If a woman wants to tell you that she isn't interested in you in a romantic
way, she'll often NOT tell you as her way of telling you. In other words,
she might just disappear for awhile. Or she might not return calls quickly.
Or she might talk about other guys with you...
Once again, you have to put the concept of pure, rational LOGIC out of your
mind when it comes to the world of ATTRACTION.
Women are subtle. They read into things and try to tell you things
indirectly. Women don't generally take what you say at face value. They want
to know what everything REALLY means.
If you meet a girl and after the first date you say "I really like you,
you're beautiful and I have feelings for you" they think you said "I'm a
Wuss because I fall in love too quickly".
On the other hand, if you say "Good night, give me a call sometime" she'll
think you said "You were kind of boring, and if you want to talk to me again
you're going to have to call me".
4) It's difficult to un-do one of these situations once it has reached this
point:
Unfortunately, once a woman has "made up her mind" about a guy, it's usually
VERY difficult to change her mind.
If you're in a situation like this where a woman has said "I only like you
as a friend", then you're best off going out and meeting some other women
and getting on with your life IMMEDIATELY! Don't wait. Get on with it.
If you disappear from HER life, then turn up a month or two later... and
you're dating a few other attractive women... she might see you in a new
light.
Jealousy is a VERY powerful motivator to women and this is often what it
takes to get a woman to see you in a new light once you've let out your
INNER-WUSSY too early in the game.
Point: Don't try to un-do it. Just get on with your life and quit obsessing
over her.
5) There are things you can do to AVOID this kind of thing in the future:
The most important step you can take is to LEARN HOW ATTRACTION WORKS! You
need to learn this game so you know what's happening in future situations...
and, most importantly, you know what to do to make women feel attracted to
you from the beginning (and, of course, how to NOT let your inner WUSS rear
its ugly head too often).
As you know, some of my favorite ways to do this are by being Cocky and
Funny, teasing women, busting on them in a particular way, playing hard to
get, etc.
But if you want to learn how ATTRACTION works and to make it work for YOU,
then YOU'RE going to have to go out and do it. No one else is going to do it
for you.
I did the trial-and-error thing. I tried all kinds of stuff. In fact, I've
probably tried more different ideas for meeting women than anyone I know.
The real shift towards success came when I started making friends with guys
who were very successful with women... and then watching what they did in
person.
I found that these guys did things that THEY WEREN'T EVEN aware of... things
that made women literally pursue THEM. I then took all of this information
and combined it with the other things I had learned... I worked like a mad
scientist for a few years on this because I really wanted to get this area
of my life figured out.
Well, as you can imagine, I developed some pretty amazing techniques for
meeting women, getting emails and phone numbers, taking things to a
"physical" level, and everything in between.
You have to do a lot of INNER work if you want to be the kind of guy who can
keep an amazing woman.
When I was on my own personal quest to learn how to attract women, I found
that most of the materials available only focused on the OUTER game. In
other words, they only talked about techniques. They said "Just go up to a
woman and say HI..." but they didn't talk about HOW to say the words, or how
to understand what the woman would be thinking when I did approach her... or
any of the million other "INNER GAME" issues around meeting women.
After spending a few years figuring this stuff out, I have realized that it
is VITAL that a guy get his Inner Game together FIRST.
Once you understand how and why women are attracted to certain types of men,
and how the human "mating dance" works, you will SEE things differently.
You'll understand things in a new way. It's like putting on a pair of 3-D
glasses...
and seeing things in a totally new way.
Then, I think it's important to learn THE BEST "techniques" and actual
strategies for meeting women... from where to go, to what to say, to how to
take things to a "physical" level smoothly and without "rejection".
But there IS a way for you to learn all of these different subtle
components, and how to use your communication (not money, food, and gifts)
to quickly trigger ATTRACTION in the women you meet.
What is that way?
If you haven't downloaded my eBook "Double Your Dating" yet, then WHAT THE
HECK ARE YOU WAITING FOR? It's the best introduction to the topic of women
and dating available ANYWHERE. Go download it here: http://www.doubleyourdating.com/
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it. Talk to you soon, David D.
P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like
to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines: 1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max. 2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate
all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your
stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the
specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations. 3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of
the email. I read these first. 4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're
from. 5) Send it to me at: SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
(c) 2002-2005 David DeAngelo, All Rights Reserved. By
accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional
advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless.
http://www.doubleyourdating.com
