You need to get over what
other people think, and get into making things happen regardless of who's
watching or listening. This alone is a trait that creates attraction.
*** Email of the Week ***
Dear Dave,
Your material does a great job bringing to the masses what are innate
qualities in the naturally- successful-with-women types. Your book is almost
a study of human behavior, like something Dale Carnegie would write (I doubt
he was as successful with women though).
Anyway, I have a problem with one half of the magic formula, the 'cocky'
part. I've always had success with deadpan-style humor, with no facial
expression whatsoever, and most of the time people can't tell if I'm being
funny or not based on my expression. This is where I hit my problem: if I
make a cocky/funny type comment, I'm afraid I'll come off as arrogant if I
don't give a smile or something. But in your book it says something along
the lines of things being funnier if it's difficult to tell if you're
joking.
So my question is: Is it okay to smile while being cocky and funny and
busting on girls? Or should I keep a straight face all the time? I'm not
sure if this email makes any sense, but I think you'll be able to figure it
out. Great stuff, and hurry up with the next book!
BW
Seattle
David D. >>>My Comments:
Here's the deal... when you're being Cocky and Funny, you must give up your
fear of coming across as overly arrogant. The secret lies within the FUNNY
ingredient of the formula. A great model for Cocky and Funny is Triumph the
Insult Comic Dog. If you haven't seen him, go search online and find his
Star Wars video clip. You'll laugh until you cry...
Then, go find the Bon Jovi clip. Another masterpiece. You'll notice that
Triumph is RUTHLESS with the sarcastic comments... but THEY'RE ALL FUNNY.
And when he feels like he may have gone over the top, he might throw in an
"I kid, I kid". It's rare, but he does do it on occasion.
If you feel like your comment might have been taken too seriously, try a
"sly smile". It's a combination of squinting your eyes a little, pursing
your lips, and doing a slight half-mouthed smile. It's a nice touch.
In any event, you need to get over your fears, and get out there and do it!
You'll find the balance.
***QUESTION***
I may be a little skeptical, but I am 37 yrs old and have been divorced for
7 yrs. Although I have been told many times that I am an attractive guy I
have had one date in the last 3 years, and I think it is because I am also
overweight. I am 6'1" and weigh around 340 lbs. I am convinced that women
these days are not attracted to big guys like myself. I am also one of those
"nice guys". Do you really think that this cocky funny attitude that I have
been reading about would really work for a guy like me? I am willing to try
anything at this point
D.E. Scranton (Pa.)
>>>My Comments:
Yeah, I think it would DEFINITELY work for you. In fact, I think it will
work for anyone who applies themselves and figures it out. We each have our
own particular situation in life. No two are the same. Some guys are rich
and look like Brad Pitt, some guys are older and gray, some are overweight,
some are bald, and some are inexperienced.
We each have our own strengths, weaknesses, and particular challenges in
life.
This is one of the great things about being alive. We get a particular hand
dealt to us, and it's one of the great joys in life to figure out how to
best play it.
Honestly, from the way you explained yourself, I think that you're unhappy
with your weight. In other words, it sounds to me like you've got MENTAL
limitations and self-image issues... so simple techniques alone probably
aren't going to solve your whole problem.
I'll bet that if you start working on your weight, while at the SAME TIME
practicing the techniques you've learned here with women, the COMBINATION
will yield better results.
When you improve two or more areas of your life at the same time, you'll
find that you often have far better than just twice the results. But try to
solve problems at the root, and not just at the branch level alone.
***READER SUCCESS STORY***
Hey Dave,
Wanted to let you know a technique I've come up with that combines two
points you've made in the past:
1) You can create attraction with contrast (e.g. busting on her verbally
while your actions are gentlemanly)
2) Don't dip your pen in the company ink
So I use the hotties at work as target practice, honing my game. BUT - I
tone it down a bit and always do really nice things for them, like if they
need someone to carry a box or open a drawer. So now they think I'm kind of
attractive, but also a bit of a wuss boy: not attractive enough for THEM to
date (keeping me out of trouble at work), but PERFECT for a friend of
theirs. Hotties hang with hotties, and so far I've been set up with three
fine young ladies this way (note: it helps to work for a big company so you
have a good selection and distance between parties).
Now, the friend has heard that I'm a nice guy, so she's a little leery going
into it - then WHAM! I bust out as the Full Jedi Master. Once again,
contrast added to c+f. (As one said, "I heard you were kind of cute, but she
didn't tell me how hot you really are!" For the record, I'm slightly above
average.) So far I'm 3-for-3 scoring major action on date one. I'm keeping
it cool, because there is the 2nd-hand work connection, so it can be a
little tricky, but that's part of the fun. I let NO ONE get too close too
soon, and things continue hot 'n' heavy at MY pace, and everyone's happy. I
don't know if this will work for everyone, but it's sure worked for me. You
rock!!!
M.B. Chicago
>>>My Comments:
Great points.
Attractive women know other attractive women. And practicing on women at
work is great! You can also practice on waitresses that work at restaurants
you frequent, hostesses/receptionists at places you go often, etc.
Women LOVE to have fun, chemically-charged interactions with men... even if
it's not leading to anything. So do practice whenever you can.
***QUESTION***
Okay....I bought the book, I read it and re-read it and re-read it. I had
always been funny but a lot had been self-deprecating or witticisms that
were hysterical but required women to think and make the leap from A to B.
So, based on your book, I changed my ways. I added "C" to my "F". Now, I'm a
Lindy Hop Swing dancer. I dance at the clubs 4 times a week. go to
workshops. I own instructional tapes. I listen to swing music constantly. I
even dream I'm dancing sometimes. So, when I go to a club I'm not just going
to meet women but also because I love dancing Lindy Hop. IT WORKS!
Before I ask my question, here's my success story. After reading all the
e-mails over and over and the book over and over, I made it a point to be
C&F even when I'm not interested. One girl I asked to dance at a club said
she had to leave but "do you come here often?" she asked. I told her that we
only knew each other for a few minutes and ALREADY she was trying to pick me
up. I didn't mind, I said, but she should use a more original line. Another
girl I danced with messed up as she was dancing and her hand touched my ass
by mistake. I spent the rest of the dance accusing her of trying to grab my
ass because she liked it. (Her e-mail I got but I messed up the next
bridge). But the clincher in my mind that C&F works is this: I take a 3-hour
dance class once a week and it usually has the same people. One is this cute
19-year old. She's not my type and I'm not interested, but I still employ
C&F whenever I see her, for practice. Well, this week out of the blue she
says "I was talking to [Bob] about you the other day." Oh yeah? what did you
say? I ask "I told him I like you because you're a smart-ass." My jaw
practically dropped. I maintained composure while on the inside I was
screaming "HOLY SH**!! THIS STUFF WORKS". "Smart-ass" was obviously "C&F".
So, thank you and I plan to continue using this.
MY QUESTION!! So, here's the thing. Dancing this much is a blessing and a
curse. A lot of women want to dance with me, but they ONLY want to dance
(I've gotten quite good). Plus, I'm into the dancing so I'll dance with
several different women a night, and most likely each women multiple times.
How do I use C&F in these situations when:
A) Unless it's a slow song, you don't really have the opportunity to talk
DURING the dance
B) If I get an e-mail/number, I'm still gonna be at the club the rest of the
night. Do I ask her to dance again? or do I ignore her? What if she asks ME
to dance again?
C) If I ignore her, I'm gonna see her as I walk around looking for dance
partners throughout the night, do I say anything as we pass by? Do I even
smile at her?
D) Can I use C&F on multiple women throughout the night and get more than
one e-mail or is that a bad idea? If dancing were a means to an end for me,
it might be easier, but I'm really into this. My job is just a means for me
to be able to go dancing (that's how into it I am). I know that I've got a
potential gold mine at my feet since I dance. I've heard that "if you can
dance you can get any woman you want." Well, I couldn't, but I'm only now
starting to see how I can thanks to C&F. But it's only a beginning. Please
help!!
G.
>>>My Comments:
You've gone over your one question limit, but I'm going to give you a great
idea anyway.
First off, making jokes about a woman trying to pick you up, not being that
easy, being offended that she used such a cheap line, etc. is GREAT stuff.
Here's the idea:
If I were you, I'd learn how to be Cocky and Funny WITHOUT SAYING A WORD. If
you're a great dancer, then I'm SURE you can come up with 100 ways.
Maybe you could notice mistakes that a girl is making, then imitate them
over and over while keeping a look on your face of "Look at how cool I am".
Maybe you could incorporate some bizarre dance steps into a dance, then
insinuate that she's dancing that way.
One thing I like to do is MIRROR a woman, then EXAGGERATE some part of what
she's doing.
If she has good posture, I might sit up EXTRA straight and say, "You're
slumping".
Cocky and Funny isn't just a verbal thing. Ohhh... now I'm letting the cat
out of the bag.
***QUESTION***
Dave,
Your insight into women and how to attract them is dead-on. Being cocky and
funny works. Upon adopting your approach, my dating life improved
dramatically: I went from dating one woman last year to dating 10 women in
three months at the beginning of this year.
While dating is fun, like most guys, I eventually find one that I like and
want to pursue it further, i.e. become more serious. The problem I've
discovered is that a lot of women in the age group I date (27-33) are
resistant to this due to the residual pain they carry with them (the
proverbial "baggage") from previous failed relationships or marriages.
Rather than take a risk by pursuing a relationship, they prevent it from
progressing any further to avoid any emotional pain that might result if it
fails.
Is this a common problem men my age (late '20s, early '30s) experience (and
should continue to expect to experience in the dating world), or am I just
being a wuss and need to get over it by dating younger women with less
baggage? Is there a way to employ the C&F routine to MAKE these women
overcome their indecision and want to be with you?
LOL,
B
>>>My Comments:
Well, as much as I avoid "Relationship" questions, I just have to comment on
this one.
First of all, I believe that MOST guys would prefer to be in a relationship
with a great women (over being single).
The problem is that amazing women are as rare as amazing men...
If you REALLY want to make a women become attached to you, then you might
want to try a paradoxical move...
Stop looking for a relationship.
If you communicate that you want a relationship, the natural response is
going to be for a woman to play Hard To Get.
If YOU do the playing of the Hard To Get, and you HOLD OFF on showing the
"relationship" level of interest, you'll find that the woman will pursue the
relationship with YOU.
Think about it.
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
I like your newsletter and I really enjoyed your books. I have one problem
though.
My sister, who is a socialite and seems to have a ton of really attractive
friends, has this one friend. She's one of my sister's best friends and is
my age. The woman is incredible...definitely a 9 or 10. She's got this
really sweet personality, but also goofy at the same time. I know she's
dated pretty boy models and NHL hockey players before, but I know she's not
too superficial inside, since she broke things off with them after she was
unhappy. So even though I'm probably a 6 or 7, I think I may have a shot, as
I've heard she's recently single. Anyway, my problem is that I have
absolutely nothing I can bust on her about. I don't know her well enough to
rag on those Ex boyfriends or anything. Most of our conversations revolve
around our mutual admiration for my cat.... So any past encounters we've had
have been in 'wuss' mode. What would be your approach to this situation?
Thanks,
C.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
Say what?
You have "absolutely nothing" you can bust on her about?
You really need to get a couple of books on comedy, my man. What color hair
does she have? If it's blonde, learn some blonde jokes... if it's brunette,
learn some brunette jokes.
Is she tall? Bust on her height. Is she short? Bust on her vertically
challenged-ness.
And by the way, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A CAT?
Don't even get me started on the jokes you can make about her being more
interested in the pussy than in you. I could write a book of lesbian jokes
based on your one-paragraph email alone... and I've never even met this girl
myself.
Are you starting to get the picture?
***QUESTION***
Dave,
I bought your book and I have been able to successfully use your method.
Last night I picked up this girl at a lounge by accusing her of being a
liar. I struck up a conversation and started doing the small talk thing (no
wuss topics). I then ask her about her age, she leaned over and whispered in
my ear that she was 20 years old. I heard her loud and clear. But when she
turned her attention elsewhere I ask one of her friends that she was with
(who was also very hot) If the girl I was speaking to was really 26 years
old, (all at the same time giving of the impression that I wasn't really
convinced) Surprised she turned to her friend saying "You told him you're
26?". I then of course accused lying so that she could have a better chance
of hooking up with me. I then proceed to tell her how often girls do this to
me and how she would have a much better chance with me by simply being
herself.
The boys at this point were cracking up. This was all done in good fun and
in a FUNNY COCKY way, the girls knew I was joking but at the same time they
were not 100% sure, this really played on their curiosity.
My Question: Should I make eye contact with a girl before talking to her or
should I just make her feel like she doesn't exist first and then proceed to
hitting on her? Also is it bad to stand at the bar and check out the women?
Does this make you seem needy? In other words what's the best way of working
the room before I start to talk.
thanks. CA
>>>My Comments:
Another masterpiece of Cocky and Funny. This is great... I can feel more and
more guys are getting it.
And about eye contact. Eye contact is VERY powerful.
I recommend that if you make eye contact with a woman, keep it until SHE
looks away. By the way, this is a great exercise. Just go out and make eye
contact with as many women as you can... and keep it until they look away.
If you're already talking to a woman, you're going to have to work with the
situation. In some situations, you're going to want to be aloof, and in some
you're going to want to be intense.
Just remember not to look away because you're nervous or afraid. Women can
detect weakness very quickly, and they turn off like a light switch when
they do.
If you want to "check out women", just make sure you don't look like a loser
that has no life and is planning to use the images you're taking in for
future solo fantasy role play.
Don't look desperate.
Women are turned off by guys who have that "I'm not worthy" look... and
they're turned ON by guys who have that "You are interesting to me, but not
so much so that I'd give blood just to talk to you" look.
***QUESTION***
Dave,
First, I have purchased your "double your dating" from your website. Your
book and extra's have enriched my life. I had a beautiful woman sit down
next to me on the train on my ride into work. I could feel she was
interested but I was scared. I didn't want to make an obvious come on with
so many people around. So I did nothing and missed an opportunity to meet an
ultra beautiful woman. How can I prevent this from happening in the future?
How can I discreetly approach a woman in this situation? I'm not interested
in becoming comic entertainment for the morning rush crowd.
G
>>>My Comments:
Say what?
You didn't want to make an "obvious come on with other people around"?
What? Did you want to become her friend and shopping buddy, then two years
later spring an "I love you" on her in the middle of the girdle aisle at
Macy's?
Or did you miss the part where I said in Double Your Dating not to hide the
fact that you're interested?
You really need to get over this idea that making it obvious that you're not
just interested in "friendship" isn't considered bad by women...
and that if you try to hide it, you're only shooting yourself in the foot.
And by the way, if you're "not in the mood" to make a woman laugh in front
of the morning crowd, then what are you going to do... charm her with your
boring, un-funny creativity?
Think about what you're asking me.
You need to get over what other people think, and get into making things
happen regardless of who's watching or listening. This alone is a trait that
creates ATTRACTION.
Of course, if you REALLY REALLY REALLY want to be "discreet" about it, you
could hand her a note that says, "I was going to say some funny stuff, but I
didn't want anyone to think that I was picking up on you. If you couldn't
tell, I'm kind of a Wuss, but don't let that stop you from calling me
later."
In short, the way to prevent this in the future, is to BE READY for the
situation. Plan out what you're going to do NEXT TIME, and be totally ready
when it happens. If you mentally prepare for the 10 most common situations
that you find yourself in, you'll DRAMATICALLY increase your success.
***QUESTION***
Hey Dave,
I really enjoyed reading your e-book. It taught me so much more than all
your newsletters and articles have. To every one reading this right now buy
the book it's the best $20 I have ever spent I would even have paid up to
$200 for it I'm serious. I went to the beach the next day after reading your
book and used your techniques, but I am kind of shy but I figured out how to
have women approach you... give up. Volley ball. It's so awesome the chicks
will just approach you and ask to play, and you have an excuse not to wear a
shirt show off your body and not make it look like your showing off. Me
being only 5'2 with a muscular build. I will always say "I'm prejudice of
the fact that your taller than me...but I can accept you for who you are"
awesome line for all you short guys.
I do have a question though: I can't seem to figure out a cocky funny line
if a girl tells you that you have a big/nice muscles.
Also I can't come out with any thing to say while playing volley ball. Most
of what I say comes off as arrogant. For example if she would miss I would
say "what the hell was that", yes I know smooth lines. I would appreciate
your help on this one I think other guys would to.
Your friend
CL - maine
>>>MY Comments:
Oh, verrrrry nice. Great thinking.
And if a woman says, "You have nice muscles", just look back at her with a
serious face and say:
"You know, I'm really tired of you women treating me like some kind of piece
of meat. I have feelings too, and I don't just like being thought of as a
sex object."
I have a friend that uses this with amazing success.
Oh,
and if there's anyone else out there who had purchased my book and found
that it was worth $160.00 more than they paid, feel free to contact me and I
can arrange to accept the additional payment.
If you haven't yet gotten your copy of my online book "Double Your Dating"
(yeah, the one that everyone in this article is talking about), then what
the heck are you waiting for? Go to: http://www.doubleyourdating.com/
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it. Talk to you soon, David D.
P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like
to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines: 1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max. 2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate
all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your
stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the
specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations. 3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of
the email. I read these first. 4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're
from. 5) Send it to me at: SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
(c) 2002-2006 David DeAngelo, All Rights Reserved. By
accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional
advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless.
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