Well, today is your lucky
day... for today I'm going to give you advice that will probably be
PRICELESS to you.
***Question From An Ebook Reader***
Dear David,
I have recently started to like this girl a lot. We hang out almost
everyday, and everybody that is around us say that we act like we are going
out. We flirt all of the time, but I don't want to be the one that admits
that i like her first. I have also become really good friends with one of
her friends and she told her friend that she likes me and everything, but
she hasn't really had too much experience in dating.
She is one of the nicest girls in the world and she is very pretty so I
don't really understand why. I really want to tell her that i like her, but
i have read your book and you always seem to push getting the girl to admit
it to you first. I think she may be too shy to do this though. Would it be
ok to admit it to her first in this situation? I know you probably think
hanging out with her everyday seems needy, but she is the one that calls me
everyday and it is very hard to turn her down. Any suggestions would be
greatly appreciated.
Thanks.
David D. >>>Reply:
Nice.
Well, today is your lucky day... for today I'm going to give you advice that
will probably be priceless to you. First let me start with
some ranting, raving, and confusing double-talk.
Then we'll get to the good stuff.
Let's begin with me verbally abusing you for not paying attention to what I
say, then drift into a little bit of talking about why your situation is an
exception to a general rule or two...
Verbal Abuse
It's annoying when I go to all the trouble to explain a concept in detail...
and try 100 ways to say it in my articles, newsletters, eBook, etc. and then
someone just doesn't understand.
In your email you say:
"I really want to tell her that I like her, but I have read your book and
you always seem to push getting the girl to admit it to you first."
Now, what I'm about to say might sound a little bit "trivial" to you. You
might say "semantics" like the
smart people do. But pay attention. Close attention.
I do not recommend that you get a woman to admit that she likes you first.
Getting a woman to admit that she likes you "first" naturally implies that
you "admit it" back.
And I do not say "admit it back" or "admit it later" or
anything else of the sort.
Why is this so important?
Simple, really.
I personally believe that telling a woman that you "like her" is one of the
worst things you can do. If you want a woman to know that you like her, the
best way is to have her figure it out by the fact that you guys are getting
physically involved.
Let me confuse the issue further...
"Telling her" that you like her and "feeling like you really want to tell
her" are two completely different issues, and they're both bad... but for
different reasons.
Telling her is bad because it takes the magic, the suspense,
the mystery, and the sexual tension out of the situation.
It pops the balloon. It's kills the chemistry. Feeling like you want to tell
her and then asking about how to tell her is bad because it shows that
you're not getting it.
Another Tangent
All right, so let's go off on tangent number 2….
You mentioned in your email that this girl you're seeing is inexperienced in
the dating world. If she's really inexperienced, then you might be in big
trouble. See, she might be falling in love with you. All of this seeing her
every day business but not taking things to the next level (and feeling like
you want to tell her how you feel really really really badly) might be
setting her up emotionally for a late-night drive to Vegas and marriage vows
at the Drive Thru with Elvis.
If a woman is inexperienced, then it's very important that you not screw
this up. If you do, it might be bad. Another thought: When you're with an
inexperienced woman, it's sometimes a good idea to "dial down" the
ball-busting and the Cocky&Funny a little bit. Instead of having it turned
up to a 9.5, dial it back to a 5.7923 setting. That will probably work
better for you and her.
What To Do
So let's talk a bit about attraction. Attraction is a bizarre
process. It happens for reasons that are difficult to explain to a person
who has a "bad model" of how it works. But let's just say that if it does
happen, you want to amplify it. You don't want to weaken it.
One of the problems with "telling her how you feel" is that it instantly
changes the dynamics of the situation.
When you say "I like you", in her head the woman hears:
"He is admitting to me that he likes me, which gives me all the power,
which, for some strange reason, makes me not like him as much anymore."
I realize that this sounds crazy, and doesn't make a whole lot of "logical
sense", but it's what usually happens.
If you want to "tell" a woman that you "like her", the best way to do it is
to advance physically. In other words, take things to the next level.
Do something, don't say something. Words are to be used when actions
don't work better. And this isn't one of those cases.
Remember "The Kiss Test" I talk about on my website? Use it.
Remember the exact sequence that I describe in the bonus booklet that you
got with Double Your Dating called "Sex Secrets"? Use it.
But do not "tell her how you feel".
Unless, of course, you want to drive to Vegas. Finally, let me give you some
advice about this situation of "she calls me everyday to hang out and I
can't turn her down".
Turn her down. I know, I know... Powerful.
If you're in love with this girl and want to marry her, have kids with her,
drive your cute brats to soccer practice in your green minivan, and wear
lots of Dockers clothing, then forget what I'm telling you. Who knows, you
might have found one of those rare, wonderful women that so many of us guys
are looking for.
But if you're just at the stage where it's time to take things to the next
level, then do it with your actions, not with your words.
I'd like to personally invite you to check out my materials. In a matter of
hours you can learn things that it took me YEARS to figure out... all from
the comfort and privacy of your own home.
The
reason I wrote my original eBook "Double Your Dating" was because I wanted
to be able to help other guys out there to understand how to be successful
with women and dating... without having to go through all the hassles and
wasted time that I had to deal with.
I invite you to check it out.
I mean, you'll never reach a point where you never have any problems with
women, but you sure can prevent and eliminate about 80% of them by just
knowing what to do to set up each step with women, and how to respond to
certain situations.
If you'd like an introduction to my main concepts and techniques, then you
need to start with my eBook, Double Your Dating. It's the foundation for
everything that I teach in these articles, and it's a MUST-read. It's here: http://www.doubleyourdating.com/
- just follow the 'ebook' link and download your copy.
...and read it, learn it, and use it. Talk to you soon, David D.
P.S. As you can probably imagine, I get a TON of email... So if you'd like
to send me a Success Story, Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines: 1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs max. 2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask your question. I appreciate
all of the "Your stuff is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well your
stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I DO need to hear all of the
specifics... because this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations. 3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success Story" in the subject line of
the email. I read these first. 4) At the end of the email, give me your initials and tell me where you're
from. 5) Send it to me at: SuccessStories@doubleyourdating.com
(c) 2002-2005 David DeAngelo, All Rights Reserved. By
accepting and reading this article you agree that: You understand this to be an opinion and not professional
advice, it is only to be used for personal entertainment purposes, you are solely responsible for any use of the ideas, concepts, and content and will hold David DeAngelo harmless.
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